


Holding On

by Captain_Amiraca



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AU, AU/kinda, Angst, Cuties, Love, M/M, Pets, Romance, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Stucky - Freeform, Sweet, Vision (Marvel) Feels, desires, domestic stucky, happiness, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-02-09 21:52:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12897594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Amiraca/pseuds/Captain_Amiraca
Summary: There was a moment in Steve's life where he wasn't stressed, from childhood to adulthood there was something to worry about. Now it's the modern age and Steve's shouldn't have as much to worry about. Some things never change, and it seems Bucky Barnes will always be on his mind. But maybe an accident with Vision can destress Steve, and force Bucky to step up to the plate.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first chapter to this story, i hope you enjoy it and if you stick with me kiddos there will be a lot of fluff ahead of us. Mixed of course with angsty feels, we couldn't have a story without them.

 

How long had it been? Well, it depends on who you ask, when was the last time that Steve Rogers actually looked fully content. Even he didn't know.

"And we're finally down. Another successful mission Cap." Tony said, he slipped off his headpiece and turned to the seat behind him. Steve avoided his direct eye contact and nodded. "It wouldn't kill you to smile."

"Actually at this point, I think it might, a direct show of his joy might break the hinges holding his face together," Nat added before she undid her seatbelt and stood up in the helicopter. Steve managed to force a smile and undid his buckle.

"Guy's really, I'm fine. You've been worrying about me this entire mission." Steve said not exaggerating in the least. He couldn't name a moment during the mission where he wasn't getting a concerned look from at least one of his team members.

"And for good reason. I'd think you'd be ecstatic when the team got back together. But you treated it like you're listening to a meh song on the radio." Clint's voice had a chuckle towards the end of the sentence but it still sounded serious. He leaned over the seat where Steve once sat and looked up at him. "You going to be okay gramps?" Steve crossed his arms loosely and gave him a weak smile.

"Guy's I promise you I'll be fine, just going through some stuff. I'll work it out."

"What could you have possibly had to work out that you didn't think about in your seventy years in an ice cube?" Tony laughed finally getting up from his seat when the blades slowed to a halt. Steve shrugged defensively, keeping his eye contact towards the ground. "Come on, is this about a girl or something? Listen I knew that thing with Sharon wouldn't work, sorry but we all knew. Come on the niece of your one true love, come on now Steve."

"Yeah Steve you're almost a hundred years old you should know better," Clint said, he reached over and patted Steve's shoulder. Steve shrugged it off and hopped off the helicopter.

"Let's head inside." He began walking before anyone could say anything else in return. He made sure his back was fully turned away from them.

"One freaking step at a time." He mumbled to himself trying to hold it all together. He entered the tower to a familiar scene. Wanda was having a heated discussion with the newly humanized vision. Vision was relaxed leaning heavily on the counter his face was a little red, which might not have been a concern for him before. Steve looked away, he felt a sense of guilt for not addressing it right away but he just got back. One problem at a time.

Sam was playing video games reclined on the couch, and Bucky was on the loveseat diagonal from the tv. Steve stood there silently for a moment wondering if anyone would really address him. Bucky laughed at something Sam said, they were actually becoming friends. But they still did have their moments.

"Dad's home and I brought Mom, Grandpa, and your kooky cousin Clint with me," Tony yelled out catching the attention of the lounging Avengers. Steve glanced back as Clint closed the door, catching his eye and trying to give him a look that Steve cooley turned away from.

Wanda took a pause in her conversation and nodded at them to acknowledge their presence, then went right back to it. Sam actually stood up and waved.

"Long time no see. How was Gramps, still grumpy?" Sam asked avoiding Steve's heated stare.

"Worse, depressed." Nat threw down her bag on the floor next to the stools.

"Nat make sure you pick that up later someone's going to stub their toe on that." Steve chastised sighing, he really was feeling like a grandfather.

"Oh, it's just a little duffle bag." She scoffed waving her hand in dismissal of his suggestion.

"Filled with hyperactive alien metal parts."

"Oh, I'll take that," Bruce said popping up into the doorway. His face looked half covered in suit and he was wearing large dish gloves.

"I see you've been busy." Nat said turning to her, not boyfriend, flirting partner. Bruce gave her a smile and shrugged.

"Not busy enough, why don't join me in the lab. I can show you what I've been working on." Nat gave a sly smile and picked up the bag. Steve was beginning to get better at picking up signals like that, especially the look on Nat's face.

"Wait..." It was too late Nat and Bruce had already disappeared around the corner. Steve sighed and rubbed his head, why did he bother? It was like monitoring children. He looked to Bucky hoping to catch his eye. Bucky turned at the right moment and looked at him. Steve's chest soared with relief, he tried to communicate something to him with his expression alone. He waited for a moment, and one painstaking second later Bucky gave him a blank smile that meant nothing.

Steve had no idea why he felt so crestfallen. He let out a sigh. He'd do anything to have his stealth suit back, it didn't stick out so damn much and maybe he'd be able to blend in and leave.

"Steve don't look so depressed you just got back," Sam said smiling at him sympathetically, he walked over to him and put his hand on Steve's shoulder squeezing. "Listen we got great news, they've figured out what's been happening with the rebels at the Great Wall." Steve looked at him confused, another thing he didn't remember. What was it the Great Wall Of?

"You know the Great Wall..." Sam tilted his head waiting for Steve to finish the name.

"Of..." He shook his head waiting for Sam to give up and answer it himself. They played this game often.

"Damn Steve, The Great Wall of China. You're pretty ancient shouldn't you know this?" He laughed looking at the other Avengers, even Bucky seemed pretty bemused. Steve clenched his fists tightly but said nothing.

"Ah, gramps don't you feel bad that a young whippersnapper like Sam is teaching you things." Tony chuckled at him. Steve was almost positive that his face was plainly read. Before he closed his eyes he could see Bucky's concerned face. He stepped to the side away from Sam, he took a deep breath through his nose trying to keep his voice as level as possible.

"Listen, I can't say this enough. I want you all to understand something very important." He opened his eyes and turned so that he was facing as many Avengers as he could. Even Wanda had stopped her conversation with Vision to listen.

"I was alive in the 1940s? Yes, right we agree with that?" Everyone nodded slowly feeling the tension rise. "I was poor, I sure as  _hell_  didn't have a television. I didn't listen to the radio enough to tell my governor from my mayor. I barely passed the school, and the only thing I have ever and will ever be good at is fighting. I did not spend 70 years in ice catching up on pop culture references." He wasn't yelling but the silent anger in his voice was enough to shock enough of them into subdued silence. "I've been conscious on this Earth for 22 years okay? I had my first kiss with a woman when I was 21 years old, which by the way only feels like a year ago."

"Listen, Cap I..." Sam tried to cut in but Steve was not finished yet.

"So I do know about the Great Wall of China, if I was supposed to learn it in school I'd be lucky if I was even there that day." He turned in the general direction of Clint. "I'm sorry if I'm a little moody puberty was a bit of a crash course you know thanks to a certain serum." He turned in the general direction of Tony, whose arms were crossed. He still looked more concerned than fearful or nervous. "And I do  _not_  feel bad for being given information by people, younger than me." He added air quotes to the end of his sentence. "Because almost all of you have been on this Earth a hell of a lot longer then I have, and I should not have to be telling you all to pick up your freaking duffel bags off the floor! Now good afternoon I will see you at the briefing tonight." With that, he turned around fully and stormed out. As he left he caught a glimpse of Bucky's face who looked ready to say something. He shook his head and went to his room, it wasn't like Bucky cared enough anyway, he couldn't understand. He entered his room and slammed the door shut.

******

Steve sighed, his head hit the back of his door making a soft thud. He was wearing comfier clothing than before, his sweatpants were on, and he was wearing a random t-shirt. The highlight of his afternoon so far had been sleeping, stopping himself from crying like a baby, and listening on the 'secret' meeting that the Avengers were having about him. He had heard the word Intervention thrown around. Now he was no Daredevil, but his hearing was heightened just enough to listen to whispered conversations like that.

He heard footsteps coming towards him. He scrambled up and climbed on his bed lying down and staring up at the ceiling as casually as he could manage. There were soft knocks echoing off the door.

"Come in." He said just loud enough to be heard. Vision stepped inside, he craned his head to look at Steve and managed his best human smile.

"You've been listening in haven't you Steven?" Steve shrugged in response and let Vision close the door before relaxing again. He felt a bit of role reversal and almost apologized for being childish. "It's okay to have emotions you know Steven? Well, you know that, but more personal emotions, about more personal things."

"Are you really the right person to be telling me this?" Steve said lightly, not accusing but they both understood that Vision was not the all knowing when it came to emotionality.

"Well, I am the only candidate that hasn't seemed to contribute to your misery."

"Did Bucky offer?" Steve asked quickly before he could evaluate the question and decide against it. Vision looked at him curiously and shook his head slowly.

"No, he did not. Does your attitude towards life right now have something to do with...Bucky?" Steve blushed slightly and shrugged. He came to a sitting position on his bed his knees coming up towards his face. Vision stared at him silently waiting for him to answer. He didn't seem to catch on that Steve wasn't planning on answering him because they stayed there for a good three minutes. Steve sigh giving in, he tapped the spot on the bed in front of him. Vision moved like he was being paused finally, and sat down in the spot he was offered.

"I'd prefer if this doesn't get spread around the tower." He clarified looking directly at Vision holding his eye.

"Noted." It was no promise but it was as good as Steve figured he would get.

"It is about Bucky...well sort of...kind of. It's what he's not."

"And what isn't he?" Steve hummed trying to find the right words. Not the man he loved sounded too dramatic no matter how truthful it may be.

"He isn't the Bucky I cared about...what's the word..."

"Sexually?" Vision said casually. Steve's eyes bulged and he nearly choked on air.

"No no not that. Not that at all." He was blushing furiously and bit his lip looking away.

"He  _is_  still the man I care about sexually." He mumbled in a small voice, he was really starting to sound like a teenage girl.

"He is not there emotionally. He doesn't look at me the same, we don't have the same eye contact."

"Eye contact?" Vision repeated slower obviously confused on the choice of language.

"Yes, like we used to have our own language just in our features. We looked at each other and we knew what the other was saying. Or needed..." He was blushing again and wished that he could melt away into the pillows. Vision was nodding again, the look on his face said full understanding. But something about his eyes told Steve that he didn't fully get it.

"So this is not a result of sexual frustration."

"No!"

"Oh, so Tony was wrong."

"Well...yes sorta."

"Oh, so he was right." Steve groaned deeply his ear tips red.

"It's complicated. Bucky and I we had..."

"Sex?" Vision finished for him watching Steve carefully. Steve tried ignoring Visions comments and the thumping feeling in his chest.

"These moments. Where...we knew what each other needed. But there were different. We never talked about it, we never talked during it. We...took care of each other and we never spoke or referenced those moments again."

"If the both of you never spoke about it then how did you know the other wanted it?"

"It goes back to the secret language thing. We knew when we  _both_  needed it. But we never knew the reasons why the other needed, and we never dared ask. I was always too afraid of addressing it especially."

"Well...what were your reasons, Steven?" Steve bit his lip hard and he closed his eyes, his heart was beating erratically but his voice was calm.

"Because I loved him, I still do...But I have no idea why he needed me. He had all these women all these time and I...was only scrawny and I...we never talked about it."

"Well if you never talked about it anyway why are you upset?"

"Because I want it back again. Not just  _it_ , but also it! The big picture, the constant talking. The secret language looks, the hugs deep enough that it feels like I'm falling into his entire being. I want that back, but he...he's only been giving me empty smiles, and empty hugs, and empty looks, we have empty conversations, and I just feel empty. And...I don't even want the 40s back I just want him back, but I can't have that. And I'm not sure if he's changed, or I've changed, or it's the hypnosis that they did to him or..."

"Hmm, that does sound like a dilemma."Steve looked up to catch Vision's eye, he felt too vulnerable in this moment and wanted, needed him to leave. He frowned seeing how red Visions face had become. His breath labored.

"Hey you look like you have a fever." Steve leaned forward and pressed the back of his palm against Visions forehead.

"Wait n-!" Vision said too late. There was a crackling of light around the area were Steve's hand. Steve's eyes widened and he looked around, it was like reality was cracking in on itself. He felt his entire being, and at the same time, he didn't. He looked at Vision but he was no longer there either. Before he could speak, Steve's vision was eaten up by black. 


	2. A Moment of Passion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are slight sexual themes, like allusions to previous times. But still all very PG stuff here guys, really fluffy and it can only go up from here kiddos.

 

 Steve's eyes cracked open, he was assailed by a flood of light. A small groan escaped him and he tried to turn over. He frowned realizing there was a weight around his waist. He opened his eyes wider ignoring the aching feeling from the sun.

His heart began to speed faster and he nearly jumped halfway across the room. He looked directly at the sleeping face of Bucky. He watched him, was he still alive? He looked at his back, it was slowly rising and falling. Steve craned his head down and looked at the weight on his waist. It was an arm, but it wasn't just an arm. It was also connected to Bucky.

He tried to tilt his head around the room as much as possible without actually moving his torso. Where was he? The room looked so unfamiliar, but it felt..homely. The part of the wall that he could see was covered by beige wallpaper with small blue flowers in a pattern scattered around. It was an odd choice but reminded him of his parent's room when he was younger. He looked directly up above him. In an odd oval frame was a picture of him and Bucky. The angle he was looking at was weird but he could make out Bucky's arms around his waist, and his own wide smile seconds away from laughing.

When he looked back at Bucky his eyes were opening startling Steve. Steve froze staring dead set a sleepy looking Bucky.

"Morning darlin'," He mumbled in a sleepy gruff morning voice. Steve's face turned bright red for two reasons. He hadn't heard Bucky's morning voice in years. Probably with the last time being when he had lived alone with Bucky in an apartment. And the use of the word 'darlin' made his chest flutter. Bucky's eyes scanned Steve's face and chuckled softly. "What? That word only reserved for specific purposes and all day on my birthday?" Bucky smiled knowingly at that, Steve gave him a blank look confused about the statement.

"Good...morning?" He said slowly clearing the grogginess from his throat. He felt fully clothed but the way Bucky looked at him made him feel exposed.

"Morning Stevie. You look awfully awake, especially considering last night."

"Last night?" The question was evident in the air.

"Well yeah, I felt like we could go on forever. But you were so loud..." Bucky shook his head chuckling. "We had to let the neighbors sleep at some point." Steve gave him a wide-eyed look. He noticed Bucky hair suddenly, it was cut short reminiscent of his look from long ago.

"I don't follow..." He said sincerely looking at Bucky face for any clues.

"You're cute when you have morning brain." Bucky leaned in, it took everything Steve had not to move away. Bucky pressed a light kiss to his forehead, the arm wrapped around his waist was rubbing Steve's back in an admittedly relaxing movement. Bucky's lips lingered on his forehead. As confused as Steve was he took in as much of Bucky's scent as possible. It was as intoxicating as ever. When Bucky pulled away from him he gave Steve a longing look, like they were 60 feet apart rather than six inches. "I wish I could just lay down with you all day, you're so cute Steve honestly. How I manage to stay away from you is beyond me." Steve could only respond by blushing and trying to avoid eye contact. But Bucky's face had its own separate orbit and his eyes were always drawn back.

"You haven't been this shy after since..." Bucky hummed thinking, then shrugged. "Actually it wasn't too long ago." There was a growling sound, Steve touched his stomach. Bucky smiled at that, he sat up the comforter falling revealing an unshirted chest.

"Excuse me," Steve said slowly trying not to gawk at him like he was a teenager again.

"No excuses, I'll make us breakfast. Maybe we can take a shower after, watch an early morning lazy movie." Bucky raised his eyebrow for a response. Steve stared and nodded dumbly using his elbow to elevate his body slightly.

"Sounds good Bucky anything is okay." He mumbled out gripping the pillow. Bucky smiled sweetly at him, he leaned over ruffling up Steve's already ruffled up hair.

"You go from declaring wars, to the most agreeable human on the planet." He said fondly, he stood up. The comforter falling off his body. Steve's eyes bugged out, it was only then he realized Bucky was completely stark naked. Steve couldn't help take in Bucky's retreating form.

He crumbled back into the bed and stared up at the ceiling. He tried organizing his thoughts. But everything in his head was a jumbled mess. He looked around the room, the more he looked the more confused he became. There were pictures of him and Bucky that he didn't remember taking. The decor was as close to forties as it could get. This room felt just like home but it was as foreign as China.

He wanted to pull his shirt over his head and try again with the day. He touched the shirt and frowned. He looked down properly at his clothes, his shirt and pants were about one size too big for him. Weirder still they didn't smell like his clothing. He pulled the shirt up to his nose and took a deep breath. He was comforted, his nerves at ease, it smelled like Bucky. He looked down at the grey sweatpants again a size too big for him. Steve immediately knew the reasoning behind this especially because he and Bucky were relatively the same size.

If Steve had to guess he'd suspect that even his underwear was Buckys. He shifted around and froze. He felt himself to check for underwear style. He only succeeded in groping his bum, he was wearing no underwear.

Steve shot up in bed his face red and mortified. He had gotten in the habit of always wearing underwear to bed. It had started in the war where he always had to be ready to spring up and fight. And it spread out to his life with the Avengers and Tony's inclination for pulling Steve based pranks.

"What in sweet Jesus is going on here." He whispered trying to keep as calm as possible. He sat up and slipped out of bed. If this illusion, or dream, or whatever it was, was supposed to be an imitation of a room he'd like. Then it would have to have clothing of his as well.

He slowly paced around the room. He opened a few drawers, there was a mix of random miscellaneous things that only scared him more and more. More pictures, albums supposedly put together by Steve himself, socks and bow ties that he knew he'd get for Bucky if given the chance. He opened the closet, he spotted a small mini drawer hugging the corner of the wall. He opened it up, his eyes widened and he almost choked. The drawer was slammed closed, and the closet was shut just as quickly as it opened.

"No...I'd ne-...just  _no_."

"Hey are you going to join me for breakfast or what!" Bucky yelled from the kitchen. Steve froze not sure if he could actually face this fake Bucky or not.

"Just uh...looking for some clothes!" He managed to yell back. He told himself he just needed to act as casually as possible. Cool, calm, collected on the outside and a mental breakdown on the inside.

"Aw Stevie I was hoping you'd just stay cuddled up in my clothes, you look so cute." He heard Bucky chuckling, it was so familiar that it nearly brought tears to his eyes. He hadn't heard his own Bucky laugh at anything directed towards him in awhile, lest it is some sort of joke or pun aimed at or against him. "But if you  _must_  disappointment me, you did laundry last night clothes are by the hamper."

"Hamper? Hamper, hamper." Steve mumbled to himself trying to scan the room again.

"Oh, and by the way Mr. Hypocrite you're not allowed to yell at me for leaving the basket on the washer to fall. You did it last night!" There was still humor in Bucky's voice most likely taking glee in getting one over on Steve. Steve frowned, the next time he blinked his eyes stayed closed. He clenched the wall around him, it was like a movie was being played in his head.

_He felt put down the laundry basket in the wash. He bent over to open the dryer, wondering why the lid wasn't at the top. He felt a warm arm and a cool arm slowly slink around his waist. No matter the temperature of the arm they felt like they were burning his skin. Every second that Bucky was touching him the nerves on his skin felt alive, he felt awake, his heart sped. But he knew better than to give into Bucky right away. He was pulled back into Bucky's chest not forcefully, just a smooth transition from one being to another._

_"Hmm hey," Bucky mumbled his chin nudging on Steve's shoulder. Steve raised an eyebrow trying to be as aloof as he could manage._

_"Hey, aren't I supposed to be the cuddly one. Don't take my role in this relationship." He huffed softly, Bucky adjusted them so that Steve could see his face. Bucky's eyebrow was raised, a question in his eyes. "I'm teasing you can take any role you want." He added, Bucky chuckled at his addition. He pressed a light kiss to Steve's forehead and hummed against his cheek. He swayed them slightly to the left and right. Steve vaguely wondered if he had gone out drinking with Tony, he passed that thought over. He didn't want to have to think about the amount of alcohol it would take to get Bucky tipsy._

_"The roll I want to take right now is your dance partner." Steve paused and looked Bucky full in the face._

_"Excuse me? Is this some sort of sexual innuendo that I am not picking up on?" Bucky tipped his head back and laughed, he nearly snorted and shook his head._

_"Depends, would you like to dance with me?" He said as mysteriously as he could turning Steve around in his arms. So that Steve's chin was rested on Bucky's chest._

_"What is dancing in this scenario?" Steve asked in a whisper, his cheeks were burning. He didn't find it possible how Bucky didn't have to say a single sexual thing, and Steve's face still became as red as a cherry._

_"Just follow my lead." Bucky murmured barely loud enough for Steve to hear._

Steve swallowed and let go of the now nearly cracked wooden doorframe. He slunk down along the frame. His face was still bright red, the memory continued going until it ended with him waking up this morning. He rubbed his temples hard.

"What is going on, a dream inside a dream?" He whispered because it had to be. There was no way that happened, that any of that happened. It wasn't possible.

"Oh? No reply, no defense to my acquisition Steve?" Bucky yelled still in the kitchen, Steve could now begin to smell the byproduct of Bucky's work. Steve took deep breaths, going from a crawl to a full stand. He needed to relax, treat the place like it was his mission.

"Bucky I didn't even get to sort the whites from the colors before you jumped me." He put a laugh in his voice but inside he was still flushed red. The memory occasionally popped back into his mind. Both mystifying and terrifying it. He walked to the front end of the hall, stepping into a part of the house he wasn't familiar with. He turned to the left and saw Bucky in an apron cooking.

"Jumped you say? Is that what you called consummating my dating proposal?" He turned his head over his shoulder smirking at Steve. Steve blushed and turned away from him.

"Bucky we've been together for three years and you forgot to officially ask me to be your boyfriend, that deserves a smack, not a kiss." He opened a door on the wall away from the kitchen and descended the stairs.

The laundry room looked exactly like it looked in his...dream? Fantasy? He wasn't sure what to call it. He found the laundry basket in a hamper that looked like a bear. He could tell that was his executive decision. He ruffled through the clothing and pulled out a pair of boxers. He dropped his pants and slipped them on. He hesitated before pulling them back up, considering changing into his better fitting sweatpants at the very top of the basket. He remembered Bucky's compliment and felt warm on the inside. He tied a loop using the tie on the pants ascending back up the stairs. Bucky turned around just in time to look at him. Bucky was holding a pan of eggs, and a pan of bacon. There were already pancakes on the island in the kitchen.

"If you wanted to be official so bad why didn't you just ask me yourself?" Steve had to think for a moment he really didn't have any real excuse. He decided to put himself in his own position.

"Well, I dunno...I just figured you just wanted to...you know with none of the strings. So I didn't want to make it awkward by asking and embarrassing myself." He had trained his eyes on the ground and dared a look up. Bucky's face was in one word appalled. He put the pans down and wiped his hands throwing the towel on the counter. He marched to Steve putting a hand on each of Steve's shoulder. They were both of equal height, but it still felt like Bucky towered over him.

"Steven Grant Rogers, if I didn't seduce you basically, you'd stay a virgin forever. You blush during sex, and you're bashful after. Hell, sometimes you blush when I'm naked in the same room." Bucky shook his head, he looked at Steve like he couldn't believe he had to go through this. "Steve, no strings attached? You? What do you think I met you yesterday? When you were 16 you fed a cat your dinner twice and you were heartbroken when it never came back. Steve remember when we were kids and we'd get candy from that mom and pop shop?"

"Little Carlene's," Steve added, a memory that he actually understood.

"You'd always smile extra wide for the owner when he'd serve us candy. Said something like you thought he needed it?" Steve nodded. "Then he switched cashier duty to his son and you wanted to stop coming because you said you and Mr. Harring-"

"Had something special." They said at the same time. Bucky rubbed at Steve's shoulders.

"You're the sweetest, kindest, most generous, and cutest human being I've ever set my eyes on. And you think I only want you for sex?" Steve blushed, internally, externally, always. He felt so exposed the way Bucky looked at him, the sincerity of his words. How tight he was holding him like he'd never let him go until he realized how in love he was.

"Sorry, Buck..." Steve murmured, he couldn't meet Bucky's eye. He couldn't or he'd explode with feelings or do something utterly stupid. Especially for a made up place, with this fake Bucky.

"Better be, tryna drive me crazy or something." Bucky leaned forward pressing a kiss to Steve's forehead, he finally let him go. "Hey, get some breakfast before it gets cold."

"Didn't you  _just_ make it?" Steve teased, trying to bite back his smile with his lip.

"Wind travels at high velocities in this house, a lot of air."

"Reminds me of someone," Steve said walking passed Bucky trying not to laugh. He heard Bucky scoff behind him.

"Is that sass Steve Rogers?" Bucky said walking behind him. Steve shrugged trying to seem as aloof as possible as he piled on the breakfast assortment. Bucky scoffed and peaked his head to the side of Steve's head, coming into Steve's peripheral.

"Can I help you?" He put his own plate down and picked up another plate, not having to think as he put food on Bucky's plate already prioritizing Bucky's favorite parts of breakfast. It was like an equation he always knew the answer to.

"Yes you can, I feel insulted. The only thing that can heal my heart is a kiss from Captain America." Steve resisted rolling his eyes and pushed Bucky's plate of food into his hands. Bucky took the plate but Steve hadn't let go yet. He leaned forward making a show of it, smooching sounds and all. Steve couldn't ignore the adorable mess, he leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against Buckys.

He didn't know how many time he was 'supposed' to have done this with Bucky, but to him, it felt like fire. It was such a simple kiss but he wanted to continue, he wanted to kiss him longer and harder. He pulled away feeling guilty, this was exactly what whoever done this to him wanted. They wanted him to feel comfortable and relaxed, he needed to get out of there quickly before he fell in too deep.

He shifted away from Bucky, disguising it as reaching for his place. Bucky gave him a strange look but didn't comment on the chopped kiss. Steve looked away from Bucky's general area looking for a dining room or someplace to eat. The island didn't have chairs so he didn't assume it doubled as a bar.

"Why don't we eat in the living room, we can watch some show and relax. I know you've kinda been stressing this week." Bucky said nudging Steve's arm with his elbow. Steve almost wanted to say no, they'd get food on the furniture. Finger foods were perfectly fine in living rooms, but all the syrup and especially milk would take forever to come out of carpeting and cloth couches.

"Uh sure." He immediately began walking, he didn't want to risk Bucky putting an arm around him or showing him any form of affection. He maneuvered around the coffee table and sat at the far end of the couch. Bucky looked at him strangely for a moment, he sat down giving Steve some space. He reached forward and grabbed the remote and turned it on.

The first thing that popped up was Vision. Not only that but original vision with red skin, he was wearing a suit and was in front of a board. There were a group of people sitting in front of him lecture style, of all ages. The word written in big black marker at the top was Blackhole.

"Ugh seen this episode already," Bucky mumbled as he channeled up until he landed on a show called MASH. He turned and smiled at Steve, he opened his mouth like he was going to say something then closed. He turned back around and grabbed his plate slowly eating his food. Steve became hyper-aware of Bucky, he wanted to ask him what was wrong. Ask if he was the problem, comfort him. But he couldn't, there just wasn't any good that could come of letting Bucky Barnes love him.

Bucky finished before Steve did and was resting his elbow on the arm of the couch watching the show silently. Steve finished and put his plate down sitting stiffly with his hands on his knees. Every natural instinct in his body was asking him to remedy the situation. But his survival instinct was right there with it, telling him to be aware and not to succumb to such an obvious trick.

Bucky was the first to break the silence. He turned around fully so that his entire body was facing Steve. He grabbed the remote and turned off the television.

"Okay, what's the matter? You went from okay, to let's not talk to me anymore." Bucky said Steve looked over trying to play as surprised.

"What? Nothing is wrong Buck."

"Listen, Steve, for the one you never let us eat main meals in the living room. Always something about syrup in the couch cushions, even when it's dinner time." Steve bit his lip cursing himself for not going with his gut.

"I wanted to...shake it up..." He mumbled weakly, Bucky shook his head and scooted closer to him.

"Did you not like what we did last night? I know you're pretty private about that stuff, but you seemed like you enjoyed it, and you said yes when I asked...well you said yes a couple more times...but seriously Steve was it that?" Steve blushed he was so flustered and at a loss for words, he only shook his head. "If it wasn't that, what was it? I'm your boyfriend I should only make you happy you know?"

"Bucky really don't worry..." Steve said quietly, he tried looking away he hated how worried Bucky looked. It was the same look he'd give him whenever he thought Steve had overexerted himself back in the 40s.

"Wait is it the boyfriend thing?" Bucky's eyes widened like he had an epiphany, he took Steve's hands in his. "Steve you know I was teasing, I'd never actually invalidate your anxiousness like that. I know you worry, and you wouldn't believe how shitty I felt knowing for three years you've been thinking I'd just drop you." He moved closer his face inches away from Steves. "Steve I'll go door to door informing everyone that we're dating if I have to, I want to be with you. I'll always want to be with you. Steve, I love you, you know that I've said that. But I'll say it again, and again for forever."

Steve was speechless, he felt so hot, he felt like electricity was snapping in his brains, he was short wiring he was sure of it. How was he supposed to say no to this, he hadn't felt this type of passion in so long. It was only aided by the fact that Bucky was actually speaking to him. Whoever had designed this place had really gone the extra mile to destroy him.

Bucky put a hand on Steve's cheek and a hand on his thigh. He leaned close enough for Steve to feel his breath. Bucky forced Steve's gaze.

"Can I?" He whispered softly, Steve there was no version of him that could ever not say yes. He nodded slowly and was rewarded with soft lips against his own. He didn't pull away this time, he couldn't. He felt that magical pull that Bucky always turned on at the wrong moments. At this point, Steve's body was angled towards Bucky and one leg was hanging off the couch. To reach him, Bucky had been on his knees looming over Steve. One of his knees was between Steve's legs and Steve was slowly being pushed back.

His mind was certainly not used to this, the last time he had even made out with someone had been for an extended period time, was basically back when Hitler lived. His body however moved and acted like this had happened more than once before recently.

Bucky's tongue lightly touched the bottom of Steve's lip. Steve was surprised at the contact but was even more surprised when he opened his mouth for Bucky. His back was fully against the couch. Bucky's hand had even drifted up to his waist.

He reconciled with himself, there was no way he could escape through evasion or ignoring Bucky. So he had to treat this as a hostage situation as wonderful as it was. He'd let himself indulge for as long as possible, and as soon as an opportunity arose he'd leave.

He smiled a bit as they kissed, now open-mouthed, he finally had a plan a way out potentially. Bucky took that as extra fuel and pressed his body closer to Steve's. Steve let out a small whimpered and closed his eyes letting himself be taken away.

 


	3. Roped in Tighter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback and more fluff.

"Hurry back I want to go for a walk since we both have the day off!" Bucky sang before Steve was able to shut the door on him for the third time. He was blushing from head to toe, but he was smiling like an idiot. He covered his face with his hands and took deep steady breaths to calm himself down. "Stevie, you sure you don't want me to take a shower with you? I think my body misses you already." Bucky called through the door, Steve's recently achieved calm was broken again.

"Bucky!" Steve's strangled voice managed, he felt like if he listened to Bucky talk any longer he'd die. He could hear Bucky's laughter through the door. Steve groaned and opened up the shower curtain, he pressed the button for the shower head and water began pouring down.

He could Bucky try to speak again but all Steve could hear was the rushing of water. He stepped into the shower and closed the curtain, containing the water spray to the just the tub. He put his head under the rushing water and closed his eyes.

Since he had begun getting used to taking longer showers upon living at Stark tower, he had come up with a certain shower routine. He had to check how he was doing physically then mentally. One was always an easier fix, or at least an easier assessment than the other.

Physically Steve felt amazing, more than amazing he felt complete, warm like he had just been lovingly handled. Which he had been. To Steve's surprise, he didn't feel any soreness afterward, he only felt vaguely empty. He wasn't sure whether to blame it on the soldier serum or whatever magic this place had put on him. But he did remember feeling like he had done this a hundred times before.

He didn't open his eyes, but his hands instinctively reached for the soap. He squirted some into his hands and worked it into a lather. He first ran his hands up around his neck area working his way down.

Mentally, well mentally Steve couldn't even begin to work through. He was confused, scared, and he wanted answers. But all his intelligent survival instincts were being overshadowed by one thought. Bucky.

_"Aw crap," Steve mumbled as it began to pour. He raised the sleeve of his jacket over his head and jogged inside the restaurant. He hoped the rain hadn't ruined his hair, he actually spent a decent amount of time in the orphanage bathroom fixing it up for this._

_As soon as he entered he felt relieved, he hadn't overdressed, but he certainly hadn't underdressed. When Bucky said he had made reservations to a place Steve was afraid it was going to be another from the eatery, where Steve couldn't name five things off the menu._

_The restaurant was homey, the exterior was designed to look like it was made of logs. And it smelt like french fries, and syrup. There wasn't even anyone waiting in the front of the restaurant to greet and guide him to a table._

_He scanned the room until he saw a familiar figure near the corner of the room. Steve put on his best smile and jogged to go meet him. As he got closer he could see Bucky was reading a novel of some sorts. Steve put his wet jacket on the back of his chair and sat down._

_"Hey, Buck feels like I haven't seen you in ages." He pushed himself in and waited for Bucky to stop reading. It took about a minute before Bucky finally put this book down. He didn't exactly smile, but he gave him a pleasant enough look._

_"I saw you this morning," Bucky said, instead of an especially cute phrase to that Steve counted on to lift his mood._

_"Yeah I suppose...you seemed awfully invested in that book." Steve pointed out, he slowly grabbed the menu piled in the middle of the table._

_"Yeah well, I really haven't had the time to read it." Something about Bucky's tone made it feel like he was almost blaming Steve for it. Steve wasn't sure if it was his own worried subconscious morphing Bucky's words, or if Bucky was actually really annoyed._

_It was Sam who had actually planted the seed of doubt in Steve's mind. He told him whenever a significant other asked you to come to a restaurant to 'talk' with them, it was typically a breakup. Even though Steve doubted Bucky would want to break up, it didn't cease to worry him._

_Steve tried to push those thoughts out of his head and focus on making Bucky happier than he seemed._

_"I really like that shirt on you, told you navy was your color." He waited for Bucky to make a corny joke about how his color was actually the army._

_"I just picked it up, it might be yours." Bucky had picked up his book again and was beginning to read. Steve felt like he was being bored, again._

_"So what's it about?" Steve asked finally deciding what to order._

_"Uh, can you give me a second Steve?" Bucky mumbled putting his finger up. Steve nodded and stopped talking. Maybe Bucky really was going to break up with him, he wasn't very interesting, he was pretty dull and kinda dumb._

_"Did you have a bad day at work or something?" Calling it work was embellishing a little but it was something that was supposed to keep him busy and fulfilled._

_"Reading does not automatically mean I had a bad day at work." Steve's cheeks were beginning to grow red._

_"But a bad day at work does give you an excuse as to why you're being rude on a date. I had an awful day at work today but I'm not sitting here with my nose stuck in a book." Steve felt awful for being so openly rude, but the words had just begun to flow out. "And if this isn't a date and you're just here to be a jerk and break up with me then I have news for you! Because we're not even dating okay? We aren't even officially boyfriends, we're just people who live together and have sex or whatever. So continue reading your dumb book, James." He brought the menu back up to his face just so Bucky wouldn't feel the satisfaction of seeing how upset he was._

_A few seconds went by. Each second reminded Steve how much he despised himself. There was a sound of shuffling and chair movement. A hand peeked over the menu that Steve had over his face, and gently pushed until it was completely away from his face._

_Steve looked at Bucky pitifully, his face was red and blotchy, and his lips were red and swollen from being bitten so hard. Bucky was giving him a sad smile, filled with emotion._

_"That's...that's what I wanted to talk about with you." Bucky must have seen the heartbreak on Steve's face because he quickly followed it up. "My attitude not about breaking up. And we'll talk about the boyfriend thing in a second." He took one of Steve's hands, firmly like he was afraid Steve would pull away. "Steve you love me and I love you. And I love you enough to say that I've been a total jerk recently."_

_"Bucky no no, I was just being rude because I was ups-" Bucky raised his free hand to stop Steve from talking._

_"No no it's true, I've been rude, and dismissive. And it all started because of that job at the army base. I know I said that it was helping me train those young men and women but it really hasn't. I'm constantly on edge, I've been having nightmares again, I've been avoiding sleeping, and interacting with people. And Steve the only reason I was so invested in that damn book was so I could collect my thoughts enough not to have either a meltdown or a breakdown."_

_"What's the difference between the two?" Steve asked quietly._

_"One involves me yelling at you, the other involves me curling to the ground and possibly trying to kill anyone that gets too close to me," Bucky said honestly he squeezed Steve's hand again._

_"Oh." Steve was silent thinking for a moment. "Why don't you just quit then? If it's not good for you?"_

_"Because Steve I don't want to quit. I really do enjoy doing that, helping those soldiers. I just hate how my body is punishing me for trying to come to terms with my past. Especially when it didn't do any of this shit when we were fighting freaking aliens. But as soon as the superhero-ing stuff is done I get night terrors again? So no, I don't want to quit. I think we should get counseling, to help sort some of our problems out?"_

_"We?" Steve frowned he assumed this was just about Bucky._

_"Yes we Steve, you thought I was going to break up with you without even a concrete reason. You didn't even say something like I was hitting on another guy or anything, which still would be pretty ridiculous. I don't want to imagine what sort of self-destructive ideas you have in that gorgeous head of yours." Bucky whispered looking right into Steve's eyes._

_"We're pretty big messes huh?" Steve said softly. Bucky chuckled a bit and nodded. He pressed his lips against the side of Steve's head. "But...we've been dealing with our problems by ourselves for so long...you really think outside help is going to work?" Bucky shrugged and gave him a sincere look._

_"I can't promise you it'll work. But aren't you a little tired of having the same problem over and over again?" Steve thought for a moment and gave a little nod. "Well, then we should do this. Promise me that if we do this together, you'll really give it a try." Steve looked at Bucky, looked at the emotion in his eyes. Even if Steve didn't want to do counseling for himself, which he didn't, he really wanted it for Bucky._

_"Okay...I'll give it an honest go," Steve said, he shifted his gaze away from Bucky's face. Bucky smiled and rested his forehead against Steve's temple._

_"And about the other thing, we've been together since the forties. In almost all ways-"_

_"We didn't even look at each other when we did things back then," Steve said quickly._

_"Okay...fair point. I can see where the doubt comes into play, but honestly, I just didn't think of it. I'm not a sex fiend and I don't want you just for your amazing body. I love you, so there."_

_"Loving each other doesn't make us immediately boyfriends," Steve said half teasing. Bucky smirked at him and leaned in close. He pressed a kiss against Steve's lips. He lips pushed, but Steve felt himself being pulled forward. He had to close his eyes the emotional impact of the kiss was setting his chest into overdrive. Bucky finally pulled away after five seconds. Steve's eyes were still closed and his mouth partially open._

_"Steve, will you be my boyfriend?" Bucky asked he intertwined their fingers. Steve opened his eyes blinking and trying to recover from the kiss. He managed to nod._

_"Uh yes of course. Yes please." Bucky smiled triumphantly, he slipped his arm around Steve's waist and kissed his cheek._

_"You're beautiful. And more important than a book FYI." Steve could only manage a weak nod back. "Aw did one kiss fluster you that much?"_

_"It was more like you were trying to have coitus with my mouth," Steve mumbled out, his face red._

_"Oh, I can't wait until we consummate this relationship." Steve looked at him oddly._

_"Consummate?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at his new boyfriend. Bucky grinned at him wolfishly and kissed his cheek again._

_"Oh, you'll see."_

There was knocking on the bathroom door, interrupting Steve's mental assessment. Steve blinked a few times and shook his body. He swore he felt like he was being brought back to that moment as these new memories invaded his mind. It felt like the memory only happened the day before.

He could hear the hard knocks but he Bucky's voice only came out as muffled sound. Steve tried shaking the weird feeling out of his mind, he turned off the water.

"-and I miss your eyes, and your smile, your voice, your teeth, your nose, your kissable lips, your kissable neck, that beautiful-" Steve was already suppressing a blush. He grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his waist. He unlocked the bathroom door swinging it open. Bucky was leaning against the door frame already wearing jeans and a button up flannel shirt.

"Bucky what on Earth are you talking about?" Bucky's eyes scanned over Steve's body and came up to meet his eyes with a smirk.

"I was just listing what I missed about you." Bucky moved to the side giving him enough space to leave the bathroom. "I was just about to reminisce about your ass, guess I can speak from reference now huh?" Steve wondered if Bucky's method of killing him was going to be death through blushing.

"I was only gone for five minutes," Steve said, he walked passed him not meeting his eye. He already understood that he wouldn't be able to resist Bucky's charm, but he knew he could resist sleeping with Bucky for the second time.

"Can I at least have a hug?" Bucky insisted following Steve into the bedroom.

"I'm sopping wet, I'd get you wet too." Steve turned around and tried to close the bedroom door on Bucky.

"Oh, we've done some pretty interesting things soaking wet," Bucky said in almost a whisper. Steve whined, now too flustered to think of a proper response.

"One more remark like that Barnes and I'm not going anywhere with you," Steve said after getting enough air together to form a sentence. Bucky began chuckling again but moved his foot away from the door. He made a kissy face towards Steve just as the door closed over his face.

Steve couldn't help but feel that he was possibly being too rude, especially towards his supposed boyfriend. He shrugged that thought away and began sifting through the different drawers until he found clothes. It took about five minutes, and even, then Steve hadn't found a belt.

In the end, he stole what smelt like Bucky's joggers and tied them together. He grabbed a jacket and a hat before he opened the door. Bucky was waiting surprisingly patiently against the wall. His arms were crossed, he looked up at Steve with a raised eyebrow.

"You planning on wearing all my clothes today Rogers?" Steve looked down at his clothes and shrugged. He thought that the shirt was at least his. It had a stuffed animal on the front with a superhero mask on it.

"I'm feeling in a very you mood today." Steve passed by Bucky in the hall and headed for the door. Bucky scoffed, a playful smirk on his face. He jogs and grabbed Steve by the jacket sleeve just as they made it past the kitchen. Steve hesitated and looked back at Bucky, a question in his eye. He knew that look Bucky had on meant nothing but trouble.

"You can't just say you're feeling in my mood and then walk away. Now that's just bad etiquette." Bucky leaned in closer towards Steve's reddening face. Steve fought the blush and gently tugged his feet away heading for the door.

"I don't think I'll be taken etiquette lessons from you anytime soon." He saw that his shoes were already by the door, he bent down on one knee slipping them on.

"Excuse me, Steve Rogers, how do you think I got as many girls as I did back then? Not to mention you. I am a gentleman." Steve turned in time to see Bucky do a little bow for him. Steve chuckled under his breath and shifted legs tying up his other shoe. Bucky went to the door, his shoes were already on, and opened it up. Bucky gestured towards the door with an upturned palm. "After you."

"Are you gonna pretend to be a gentleman for me now?" Steve teased, he stood up and peeked Bucky one more look before he left for outside. Bucky closed the door behind him, he quickly jogged to Steve's side.

"Don't need any pretending to pull that off." He stuck out his elbow for Steve to take. Steve looked at him pretending to ponder it for a moment before he slipped his arm into Bucky's elbow. Bucky gradually moved closer to him until their bodies were pressed close together, leaching the heat off of one another.

"Is that a fact?" Steve asked he looked up at Bucky catching another mischievous look. Bucky guided them to the right down the neighborhood sidewalk. Steve let him, he had no recollection of even having neighbors, let alone these ones.

"Yessiree." Bucky laughed as soon as the words left his mouth. "Haven't said that in a while." He looked at Steve for a moment almost serious. "Keep it up and I'll put you in a dress, call you Stephanie, and treat you so well that..." Steve could see the light dancing behind Bucky's eyes.

"That..."

"I'll get back to you on that one, but the point still stands," Bucky said it as a warning but the thought of cross-dressing didn't exactly scare Steve into submission.

"Why am I always the girl? You cook anyway!" Steve felt guilty as soon as he said it, there were no females around in particular but it was that old-fashioned thinking. "Not that it exactly matters." He mumbled. Bucky chuckled a bit under his breath and shook his head.

"Steve if we're going by those terms you'd still lose. I cook, yes but only because you burn everything you touch. Besides you do almost everything in the house, you insist on it in fact. Clean, do laundry, nag me..." Steve gave him an unimpressed look, only succeeding in making Bucky laugh a little louder. "Not that I don't love it, and find it the sexiest thing ever." Steve scoffed softly under his breath, even if he had no memories of nagging Bucky at least not in this decade, he still felt vaguely offended.

"Well maybe if you picked up your socks, I wouldn't have to nag you," Steve muttered, he figured this was a repeated problem just as it had been in the past.

"Oh socks are always put away nowadays, it's the underwear and belts that I leave on the floor now." Steve couldn't decide if he was being flirty or truthful, either way, he refused to turn around and face him. Deciding to give the air of hurt pride instead.

"Oh come on Stevie, I know you don't  _really_ mind. I mean how else would I stay out of trouble without my handsome, beautiful, intelligent, kind, considerate, compassionate, boyfriend." Steve bit back his flustering and gave Bucky a sideways glance.

"Do you mean that?" Steve asked, playing a bit more than necessary. Bucky nodded vigorously, he adjusted their arms so that he was now just holding Steve's hand instead of having it through his elbow.

"Of course, I'd never lie to my special girl." The way Bucky said it made it almost sound like a tease, but what it was actually another way this world's Bucky was stealing his heart. He turned fully to Bucky, his cheeks were tinted red from both the chill and the heat in his body. Bucky took Steve's cues and acted on them.

Bucky leaned up the half inch or so that he had to move to get to Steve's lips. Bucky's lips were thin but warm, they moved like they had life all of their own, and pressed into Steve's like he was trying to shove Steve's mouth away. Meanwhile, Steve's lips were plump and slightly bit. They were clumsy and Steve never knew how to move them the right way. Passion sparked between the two, and the longer the kiss the more embers that ignited.

Steve had to pull away, the kiss was too hot, too hot to be done in public, maybe even too much for private as well. He was panting slightly as he looked at Bucky, Bucky looked very pleased with himself. Steve looked around to see if anyone had seen them, he wasn't sure when they stopped walking. It felt like everything had come to a grinding halt, and he didn't have his wits about him.

"What were you saying about me not being a gentleman?" Bucky asked coyly if Steve had more of his mind together he might have made a retort back. All he did and wanted to do was move closer to Bucky. Bucky slid his arm around Steve's waist, rubbing small circles on his hip.

"You're too good, especially for your and my own good," Steve mumbled, his voice was a bit quieter but his head was wright by Bucky's ears in this position.

"Me? Too good? Don't think that's possible Stevie, you might want to reconsider." Steve chuckled under his breath shaking his head against Bucky's shoulder.

"You're the worst." He meant to say that Bucky was the best, but he was already in too deep into this fantasy. If any more good happened between them then Steve might lose the will to keep trying to leave. And he couldn't have that...could he? 


	4. Figuring it Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's finally beginning to piece together whatever world he's in, but he's not sure if he likes the answer.

Bucky's legs intertwined with Steve's own, he was behind him lying horizontally on the couch. His chin was rested on top of Steve's head, and his arms were firmly wrapped around Steve's waist. His fingers were held by Steve's own.

"Didn't you start off by saying you wanted to watch some television?" Steve asked, he tried to tilt his head back to look at Bucky but he only succeeded in bumping into Bucky's chin.

"And we are, we're watching the television."

"No I think you're holding me while we lie on the couch, it's different." Bucky made a sound with his mouth like he was deliberating.

"Well, let's call it multitasking." He kissed the back of Steve's head, his nose being tickled by Steve's stray hairs. "We're getting pretty good at it."

"Thanks to you we get a lot of practice, huh?" Bucky's only response to that was to hold him close to his chest, he let out a sigh of contentment.

Steve had spent three days in this strange place, and so far it had been so normal it felt routine. Each day he had woken up and Bucky had still been next to him. Each day there was excessive flirting, and romantic antics courtesy of Bucky. If Steve hadn't been told they had been together for 5 years already he would have assumed Bucky asked him out a week ago and they were still in the honeymoon phase. Despite his best efforts, it was getting harder each day to remember the promise of escape he had made to himself. This place was so perfect that he couldn't really force himself to want to leave.

"Ah got a text," Bucky mumbled his mouth was so close to Steve's ear that it sent shivers down Steve's spine. He pulled out his phone and put it near his face. "Aw shit looks like something went down at the base." The heat of Bucky's body fled as soon as he sat up away from Steve. Steve turned so that he was laying on his back, he propped himself up with on elbow.

"What happened? Steve cleared his throat hoping it didn't come out too whiny. Bucky shut his phone off and looked at him with a smile.

"It's nothing really, just some mix-ups. I just need to pop in and out." He leaned over his face close to Steve's. Steve bit his lip his body naturally moving closer to Buckys. "Don't miss me too much." He said softly. Steve fought a blush and tilted his head away from Bucky's gaze.

"I think I'll be okay for a bit." Steve resisted looking at Bucky, he could feel Bucky's intentionally heated look.

"You sure?" He touched the back of Steve's head running his fingers through Steve's short hair. He pushed the side of his face against Steve's neck. Steve sucked in air and squirmed, he put his hands at the front of Bucky's chest and pushed gently. Not enough to push him off, but enough to state his protest.

"Bucky..." He whined still trying to wiggle out of his grasp. Bucky laughed deeply at Steve's whines but didn't move away. Steve was beginning to notice a pattern. Anytime Bucky had to go anywhere no matter the time span, he always made it a point to leave Steve flustered and needy. "If they really need you, you should go." Bucky paused in his assault, his face resting on the side of Steve's neck. He pecked Steve, right underneath his jaw and finally moved off of him.

"You're right I really should head out. I'll be back soon." He gave Steve one more fluttering kiss on the cheek before leaving. Steve waved weakly as Bucky left his sight, he was too dazed to form words. He reconciled that if he figured out the buttons on his phone he'd send Bucky some sort of message.

"Alone," Steve mumbled, the word didn't hold as much weight as it did before. No more than a few days ago  _alone_ was a loaded word. Alone included his abandonment, his feeling of isolation, his relationship with the Avengers. Now  _alone_ just meant Bucky wasn't around him at that moment. He had no doubt in his mind that as soon as Bucky returned he'd be crushed between Bucky's arms and kissed until he couldn't breathe.

The front door closed signaling Bucky's final departure. Steve fully sat up on the couch. He figured that he should use the time he had, to do some much-needed exploring of the house. The likes of which would be deemed suspicious if Bucky was with him.

As he moved to stand the television turned on. Steve froze, staring at the screen. He waited, every muscle in his body tensed. The screened flipped around until it landed on a screen that read '  _Learning About the Universe and More with Professor Vision'._ Steve frowned he had seen this before, briefly a few days ago. Bucky had mentioned something about Vision having his own show. Steve pushed his back against the back of the couch, still tense but not yet ready to run.

Vision appeared on screen, he was his original red color with his yellow mind stone shining at the top of his head. He was wearing a blue sweater vest, standing on a stage surrounded by people, the row closest to was filled solely with children no more than eight. On the whiteboard behind him was the words  _Mind Stone_ written in all caps.

"Well hello and welcome back to, Learning About the Universe and More with Professor Vision. I'm Professor Vision and today's topic of discussion will be about my mind stone and its capabilities." He gestured to the yellow stone that appeared at the top of his head, the children oohed dramatically. "Let me start off by saying the mind stone is extremely dangerous, of course, it can do many wonderful things. But mind stones and stones like it have the ability to change reality," Vision said ominously, "That's why it is very important that no one touch this stone on my head because potentially bad things can happen." A little girl raised her hand, the camera panned to her getting a close up of her face. Vision called on her, she adjusted her pigtails and began speaking.

"But Professor Vision, what happens when someone does touch your stone?" The kid was talking strangely like she was instructed to ask the question beforehand.

"Well, that's an excellent question, Becca. One of two things can happen. First, if someone touches my stone with an intent. That means they touch the mind stone because they want something to change. In that case, the stone changes the world around them to match their perception of things." The kids in the front row gasped, looking at each other in a clearly a staged way. It was then Steve noticed that the entire perimeter around Vision was straight out of a preschool classroom, while the rest of the room looked like a college seminar.

"Can't you stop it Professor Vision?" A little boy called out, it was hard to see him with the other children covering him and hiding his face.

"Well, that's what I was about to talk about next Tommy. If I am aware of their intent and my will is stronger then there's, I can block them from changing reality. And worse comes to worse if they do change reality, I have the ability to remember what the world once was and revert it back." The kids began cheering, Steve wasn't sure for what in particular but they looked happy. The camera panned around the other part of the room showing college-aged students writing quickly.

"What's the other thing that can happen Professor Vision!" A little girl yelled too loudly, she was sitting right in the front row. Steve noticed a few of the other children giving her a side eye before going back to looking cheerful and in awe.

"Well, that's when someone touches my stone passively. Even if they don't mean something still happens to them."

"But why?" Another child called out, it sounded like a boy but all the children had equally high pitched voices.

"You see when a person has something on their mind or something that's been bothering them they wish to change the factors around them to reconcile the situation. When someone touches the mind stone knowing they want to bend reality for that purpose, the mind stone reacts accordingly. But, when the person doesn't actually want change reality to get what they want the mind stone takes action again. It teleports you inside the stone in your own version of reality, but a reality exactly the way that you would want it. Even if you're not consciously aware of what you want."

"Do people know that you're gone?" This time it was a slightly older child sitting patiently on her knees towards the back of the ring of children.

"In a way. People know that something is missing or wrong but they can't quite put their finger on it. And if that person ever returns, it feels like whatever was wrong is now fixed." A college student raised his hand, the camera panned to them getting a close up of his face. The student was called on by Vision.

"Will the world still suffer the consequences of not having that person there? An example is if the president was trapped in a mind stone created reality, would the White House still fall into a panic?" The camera panned quickly away from the student and got a too close, close up of Visions smiling face.

"Oh absolutely, it's just that no one would be able to pinpoint the exact problem. It's all very situational, but there are consequences to being given the gift so to speak."

"So how do you leave one of these realities?" A college student called out. When the camera faced her she began to blush. Before the camera had time to turn back to Vision a screen popped up on the television. It was yellow with a mini image of Vision as a cartoon figure, dancing back and forth on the screen with his mini sweater vest.

"That question will be answered and much more on Learning About the Universe and More with Professor Vision. Now a message from our sponsors!" A voice on the screen said too loudly from the television.

"Crap!" Steve grabbed the remote and pressed buttons trying to speed through the commercials but only succeeding in turning the television off again. "How do I-" There was knocking on the front door. Steve looked at the door and back at the TV, he wasn't sure how long commercial breaks were but he hoped he had enough time to chat quickly with the neighbors. More knocks came. "I'm coming!" Steve called from the from the living room. He sighed, put the remote down, and went to the door to answer it. As soon as he opened the door he was met with a wash of cool air, and a very familiar goateed face.

"Hey flag face, miss me?" Steve had to blink several times to make sure he wasn't imagining this encounter.

"Um, Tony?" Steve asked unsurely, he took a step back and tried to hide his shock. He hadn't even thought to think that the Avengers would even be apart of this made up world. At the time he figured if they were trying to lull him into a false sense of security Bucky was enough to do that. Upon the new information, Steve wasn't sure of anything anymore.

"No, it's Steven Strange. Come on, let me in." Tony didn't wait for Steve to take another step back, he slid his way past Steve's frame and into the house. Steve, still dazed closed the door slowly and just started. He looked like the regular Tony, he sounded like him, and based on the three sentences that they exchanged, he acted like Tony too.

"Why do you look so surprised? I texted you that my flight was coming in last night." Tony took off his winter jacket and hung it on one of the jacket racks.

"Text? Oh, I probably didn't check." Steve cleared his throat he had to continue on like this was perfectly normal if he was lucky maybe he'd be hit with another flashback. Hopefully, the next one would give him a brief synopsis of the past five years.

"Of course you didn't. I should have just sent it to Bucky and told him to relay the message." Again Steve was shocked with the ease Tony said Bucky's name, no more than a few months ago Steve was worried that Tony might still try and kill him.

"Sorry, but what brings you here? I bet Pepper would prefer you catching up with her." Tony gave Steve a funny look and took his shoes off at the door.

"Uh, Steve?" Steve looked at Tony, he was leaning against the side of the couch.

"Yeah Tony?"

"Not to be too vulgar for your sake at least, but has Barnes been pushing you up against too many walls? I went away to have my five year anniversary with Pepper, she's just about sick of me at this point."Steve flushed deeply, he bit his lip and looked away from Tony. The fact that Tony knew of Bucky's wall pushing inclination only embarrassed him further.

"Uh yeah, forgot or something...but not because of wall pushing! Just a bad memory I guess." He looked at Tony again his face now thoroughly red. Tony chuckled under his breath and shook his head.

"Whatever Rogers, as long as you don't start forgetting my award-winning face we're good." Tony looked towards the kitchen then back at Steve. "I know you and Barnes aren't many drinkers, but do you have any refreshments?"

"Oh!" Steve nearly smacked himself he was being a bad host already. "Yeah, we have someone raspberry lemonade let me pour you a cup." He went to the kitchen area and dug around for an appropriate cup. He chose a class one and placed it on the counter. "So how was your trip to..." He opened the fridge digging around for the drink.

"Australia? It was pretty good." He heard Tony chuckling more behind him. "You really did lose a couple brain cells since I was gone huh?" Steve turned around with the lemonade in hand. He closed the fridge with his foot and smiled apologetically.

"Yeah, just been a busy week. Did you see any kangaroos?" He poured the drink into the glass and slid it towards Tony. Tony sighed deeply, he looked up at Steve with fond amusement.

"I've told you once, and I'll tell you again. Australia doesn't just have Kangaroos." Steve paused for a moment, a shy smile slipping on his face.

"But did you?" Tony rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone.

"Yeah we did, and if you swing by the tower Pepper and I picked you up something. Just forgot to bring it with me." Steve leaned over the counter at Tony's phone, he gasped seeing the adorable kangaroos.

"It doesn't get much better than this," Steve mumbled softly. Tony switched the pictures until he ran out of Kangaroo pictures to show Steve. "What amazing animals." Tony shrugged and took his phone off the counter.

"I've seen better." He slipped his phone into his back pocket and picked up the glass cup filled with lemonade. "So Bucky told me you guys decided to get help." Steve's mood deflated just a bit, he found himself looking towards the ground.

"Yeah...therapy. Bucky suggested it, I'm kinda iffy on it but Bucky really wants to try it." Steve found himself squeezing a washcloth that was left on the countertop.

"I'm not going to lie I planted that seed in his head." Steve looked up suddenly, not sure if he was annoyed or thankful that Tony cared that much. "You can't blame me, we were all getting pretty hung up on seeing you miserable. You'd get really down for a few days, then Bucky would go out of his way to do something romantic to get you to smile. Then he'd do or say something again, and each time the gesture was more and more over the top just in an attempt to top what he did last. It was really wearing both of you down." Steve couldn't remember a word of what Tony was saying but he could remember feeling the beginnings of that in the dream dinner flashback.

"It was beginning to become a problem..." Tony raised an eyebrow, he looked like he had a few more words than what Steve described it as but kept quiet.

"Not to mention you and Bucky both have a lot of pent-up issues resulting from the war, and your lives before the twenty-first century."

"It's mainly just Bucky, he suffered the most. I don't know why everyone is so concerned about me all the time."

"See that's one of the problems. Steve just because you didn't suffer physically as much as him, doesn't mean your problems are invalid. I'm sure it's no surprise to you but you have some major self-esteem issues, not to mention your trust issues, inability to let things go, your irrational fear of Bucky leaving you every few minutes."

"Not all of that is true..." Steve bit his lip, his cheeks were turning red and he wanted to find a nice hole to crawl into.

"Well, that's for you and your therapist to decide. But Steve, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I've been going to a therapist for decades now." Tony took one long drink finishing up his lemonade. "Huh, better than I expected."

"Bucky was never a fan of regular lemonade, but he really likes this stuff. So I get it for him." Steve shrugged, it didn't take long for him to figure out who did most of the grocery shopping in the house. The mini notebooks filled with favorite meal arrangements, and specific brand names he found in his sock drawer.

"You spoil him," Tony said standing up.

"He spoils me." Steve countered and took the cup off the counter and into the sink. Tony shrugged as if to say there wasn't much argument from him.

"Well I better be off, just wanted to stop by. Make sure I don't have to beat Barnes ass." Tony's tone sounded teasing but Steve had a feeling they've had Steve based confrontations before. Steve walked Tony to the door where he begins slipping on his shoes.

"Ah forgot to ask, how are the kids?" Steve's heart froze, he tried to keep a serene face. Had the kids? That was certainly news to him, he thought he remembered his flashback self-saying something about it but he couldn't quite remember.

"Uh doing great," Steve said, hoping the generic answer would be enough to appease Tony.

"Bucky mentioned something about them giving you a hard time. You got it all sorted out?" Steve nodded eagerly not wanting to elaborate on this subject. Tony grabbed his jacket, he seemed pleased enough with the check up on the subject. "Oh one last thing, do you know where your shield is?" Steve frowned and tried to think, he hadn't thought of the status of his shield once, since coming to this dimension.

"Um..."

"Ah it's fine, I'm sure Bucky knows. He's the one who got you hooked on it. I'll just have Barnes drop it off at the tower next time he's in the area. I was thinking of putting it in the same place I keep my suits." Steve frowned and crossed his arms.

"And if I need it?"

"Steve, we've been over this. Throwing a shield at petty criminals is a bit of overkill. If there's another Earth-threatening disturbance, you know where to find it. But since Thanos, there hasn't been a peep so I wouldn't worry about it." He opened the front door and put one foot out. "Oh and Pepper said you better visit her soon, you two have gotten so close I'm worried you're planning world domination next." Tony chuckled, melting the worried smile on Steve's face. He'd have to confront Bucky about it later.

"I could say the same about you and Bucky." They both chuckled a bit, Tony gave Steve a poor excuse for a salute.

"Well, I better be off, see you around flag face." Tony stepped out fully and closed the door behind him. Once again Steve was alone, but with many more questions than he had originally.

There was really only one place that Steve could ask all his questions to without being judged. He took a deep breath and glanced behind him. His phone was sitting alone on the small coffee table right next to the door to the basement. "It's worth a shot." He mumbled to himself and went to retrieve it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys want to start off by saying sorry there there isn't as much fluff in this chapter, i'll be bringing the heat next time. I just wanted take the opportunity to really establish what type of world Steve is in, so he and the audience aren't as confused. 
> 
> Fun Fact: The whole thing with Visions mind stone thing is actually canon in the comic book universe. Actually the use of a cosmic cube is the reason why Steve is a Nazi right now in his comics. The cosmic cube became a sentient being and granted the wish of Red Skull who wanted Steve Rogers to be on their side of the war. So she(the cube) went back and rewrote history to make Steve a Nazi. The strange thing is Steve still has most of the same morals, he still wants to change the world for the better but as a Nazi. It might have been an interesting storyline if you know Steve's original writers weren't Jewish men, and a ton of other reasons. 
> 
> Sorry for geeking out on you guys, you can expect another chapter same time next week. Thanks for reading.


	5. Memory Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Tree cuteness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Steve opened his eyes, he felt a warmth in his chest that he was beginning to get used to. Bucky's arm was firmly around his waist, pressing Steve's back to his chest.

"Good morning." Steve turned his head whispering it in Bucky's direction. He knew better than to expect Bucky to wake up, but his boyfriend did stir. He slowly moved away from Bucky, for a moment Bucky's grip tightened. Steve held his breath and waited for the grip to loosen. Steve pulled more until Bucky's grip gave and let him go. Steve slipped out of his grasp and stood up, he stretched out and looked back at his him.

Bucky's arm searched for a moment until he found a pillow that he pulled to his chest. Some mornings Bucky's grip only ever tightened until Steve almost a hard time moving away from him at all. Steve neverminded, and opted to try and fall back asleep with him.

Steve quietly gathered clothes and supplies for his shower. He knew Bucky wouldn't wake up until sometime around when Steve began to run the water. Sounds Steve made never bothered him so much as sounds made by other things. He stepped out of the room and headed to the showers.

Fifteen minutes later Steve was showered and dressed. He re-entered the bedroom and smiled. Bucky had woken up, his shirt was off and the blankets were slipping off his shoulder. His eyes were half closed and he was rubbing the side of his face with the back of his palm.

"You're so cute when you wake up," Steve said in an overly cheery voice. Bucky made a grunting noise in response and pushed the rest of the blankets off. He slowly stood up and grabbed his shirt off of the nightstand. He pulled up his overly loose sweatpants retying the string. "You have to be the latest light sleeper I have ever met." Bucky tugged his shirt on, and let out one long yawn.

"I only ever get up because of you." He yawned again. Steve resisted yawning and walked over to him.

"Good morning," Steve said, he walked over to Bucky ready to hug him. Bucky beat him to it he wrapped his arms around him resting his head against Steve's.

"Morning." He said and moved his arms from Steve's shoulders to his waist.

"How did you sleep?" Steve asked and swaying his hips left and right. Bucky moved with him and pressed a kiss to the side of his head instead of answering. "You're only ever awake and functioning after we...do...stuff the night before." Bucky shrugged and leaned into him.

"Breakfast?"

"Whatever you feel like making. I can clean up around the house if you want."

"Help me in the kitchen." Steve knew it was open-ended and he could say no if he wanted to, but Bucky was too sleepy to be as courteous as he usually was.

"Don't blame me if I burn all the food," Steve warned wiggling his hips slightly. Bucky moved away, he had a smirk on his face.

"Just sit, look pretty, and occasionally mix something for me. I think even you can do that." He smiled and pressed a kiss to Steve's forehead, he let go of Steve's waist and walked passed him.

"I might manage to burn whatever I'm mixing. There's no guarantees with me in the kitchen." Steve followed Bucky closely behind, he poked Bucky's back occasionally as they walked. Bucky ignored him until they finally reached the kitchen. He turned around and grabbed Steve's hands, not violently but enough to restrain him.

"Keep poking me like that and I'll poke you somewhere else." Bucky moved his face closer to Steve's. Steve moved playfully away from him, lightly pulling his hands.

"Too bad I don't know where you're going to be poking. So that threat won't work on me." Bucky got closer, Steve would have fallen if his hands weren't being held.

"Lucky I don't want you blushing like a bride when I'm trying to cook." He smirked and leaned in for a kiss. Steve moved their intertwined hands in front of his face. Blocking Bucky from a kiss.

"Have you taken a shower, or have you at least brushed your teeth?" Bucky raised an eyebrow, he looked surprised but amused.

"Yes?" His voice was unsure, but he smiled anyway.

"Smiling won't turn a truth into a lie Bucky." Bucky tried moving the hands to kiss Steve.

"Nope!" Steve pushed his hand right in front of Bucky's mouth, he began laughing at Bucky's attempts.

"Steve you're foiling my plan!" Bucky whined, he let go of Steve's hand and for a split second he was falling. Steve's eyes widened and he tried to grip onto the counter for support. Bucky quickly wrapped his arms around Steve's waist still keeping him in a reclined position. Steve pouted lightly and tried giving Bucky his best annoyed look. Bucky only found it cute and chuckled at him.

"You're so not getting a kiss now." Steve didn't notice that his hands were gripping onto the sides of Bucky's arms. He considered letting go of Bucky entirely, but he enjoyed feeling Bucky's muscles too much to follow through with it.

"You love me." Bucky hummed and pulled Steve back up towards his chest. Steve hummed, trying to seem like he was debating it.

"Maybe too much." He looked away from Bucky, who was obviously trying to pull a face to enchant him. "What was your plan?"

"Well, I was going to act like I needed your help in the kitchen, then instead of actually using you to help. I'd just steal kisses."

"Well, you won't have to steal them if you brush your teeth." Bucky ducked his head and planted a quick kiss on the corner of Steve's mouth. Steve chuckled his cheeks turning a light pink. He took one of his hands off of Bucky's arm and put his hand on Bucky's chest.

"You're awful." He leaned in trying to get closer to him. Bucky followed Steve's lead and brought him to his chest, their faces were close together.

"It's a habit." He tilted his head and pressed a soft kiss to Steve's lips. They had kissed several times since Steve had woken up but it still stole his breath away. When he Bucky pulled away again Steve's cheeks were flushed. Bucky laughed softly under his breath. He took one hand off of Steve's waist and pressed a hand to his cheek. "I'm not sure why you still blush when we kiss, but I assure you I thoroughly enjoy it." He looked to the clock then back at Steve. "I'll shower and brush my teeth after breakfast okay?"

"Deal, as long as you brush your teeth I can deal with the body odor." Steve teased, he pressed a small kiss to Bucky's cheek.

"I'd take a much shorter amount of time if you joined me." Bucky raised and lowered his eyebrows expectantly.   
"Uh uh, nope. That trick only works when we get up the same time in the morning."

"Oh, that's so not fair. Whenever we get up the same time I've either had a nightmare, you had a nightmare, or we had sex the previous night." Steve's face got redder and he lightly hit the center of Bucky's chest.

"We do...that plenty of times at night. So we get up the same time a decent amount of times a day. So..."

"So...you'll humor your poor pathetic boyfriend and take a shower with him?"

"So...I'll catch up on some Professor Vision, while my boyfriend takes care of his hygiene," Steve said with finality. Bucky attempted to pull the puppy dog eyes on him but Steve had already made up his mind. And his eyes were firmly shut.

"Fine, but tomorrow you better expect that I'll have an alarm set." He slowly let go of Steve and stepped into the kitchen. Steve opened his eyes and smiled, he was proud that he stood his ground when it came to Bucky. He'd probably cave into something else Bucky offered to do later that day, but for then he felt like a winner.

"Bucky you're as light of a sleeper as me. You choose to ignore me when I wake you up." Steve went behind the island and sat on one of the chairs. He watched as Bucky pulled out the various pots, pans, and other ingredients he needed.

"So wake me up," Bucky said like it was as simple as that.

"How do you suggest that I do that?"

"With loving kisses peppering my face," He said with an air of whimsicality. Steve rolled his eyes and rested his head on his upturned palm.

"So with a marching band? I can have that arranged." He watched as Bucky cracked over eggs whipping them up the same time he was monitoring bacon. It was pretty clear Bucky didn't need Steve's help, especially not with mixing things.

"Or you could say that you're wearing something revealing." Bucky looked over his shoulder and winked at Steve. Steve looked away just in time to miss it, already knowing what would accompany a sentence like that.

"And then I'll actually just be wearing a turtleneck."

"With no pants?..."

"With long Johns on, which would be underneath a pair of sweatpants."

"Would the sweatpants at least be fitted?"

"They'd be a pair of yours." Bucky put something in the oven and pulled out soft tortilla wraps.

"You're so cruel to me." Steve shrugged nonchalantly and ripped a piece of paper towel off of the roll. "Why must you be such a tease?"

"I still don't know how I tease you."

"It's...you're just..." Bucky paused his cooking searching his brain for the right words.

"I'm just..." Steve began folding his paper towel.

"You remind me a little like those girls from the '40s. Being so damn cute, but always blushing, an' giggling, an' never mentioning sex but making you think of it so damn much." The tips of Steve's ears reddened but he didn't look up from his folded paper wad.

"So me just existing is enough to tease you?" He finally looked up to see Bucky mostly done. He was pressing the wrap closed and stuffing another one with cheese, eggs, hashbrown, and bacon. His stomach grumbled as his nose was enchanted by the wonderful smells. Steve closed his eyes and took deep breaths.

"Pretty much," Bucky said honestly, the stove clicked as the buttons were turned off. It was thankfully a gas cooker so Steve at least knew vaguely how it worked. He took out plates and placed two breakfast wraps on each one. "Hey what choice did you want?" Steve hummed, he already knew what was in the kitchen. He was the one who stocked the fridge on the weekends.

"Surprise me," The answer was genuine, he knew that Bucky was considerate enough to know his likes and dislikes. Steve was worried by the face Bucky had made at first, it was mischievous and he doubted anything good could come of it. The look slowly dissipated, like he thought better of it. He opened the door of the fridge and pulled out apple juice, pouring into both cups.

He came to Steve with a plate of food and the cup of juice. He put the plate slightly next to him, but the juice was directly in front of him.

"Surprise, it's apple juice." There were hints of sarcasm in his words but it was mostly teasing. Steve looked at the cup, the breakfast wrap, then at Bucky.

"The breakfast wrap looks and smells amazing, but I think it's being upstaged by the apple juice," Bucky smirked and shook his head.

"Can't disagree with you there." He kissed the top of Steve's head and turned to get his food. Bucky grabbed his food and drink, then went to sit next to Steve. "I think we should set up the tree today." Steve looked towards Bucky he had a bite of the wrap in his mouth. He nodded in agreement, it had taken him to orient what time of the year that they were in. It had still been in the summertime when he was in the other world. He swallowed his bite and wiped the edges of his mouth with a paper towel.

"Where did you say that you got the tree from." He took another bite chewing slowly. He savored every bite. It was delicious, warm, and melted just the right way in his mouth.

"Work had a few extra ones. They know you like to get the tree up and set by the latest first of December. And the early trees are always the most expensive." Steve nodded along with him but he was only half paying attention. "You're not listening to me much, are you?" Steve turned to look at Bucky a blush on his face.

"Sorry, you're food is just really good." Bucky chuckled, he put his flesh hand to touch Steve's knee.

"It's a wonder what I can do with an actual ingredient," He laughed as he said that. He used his metal arm to pick up his food and continue to eat. He left his flesh hands resting on Steve's knee.

"I'll have to get Bucky some ingredients then." Steve smiled to himself but didn't realize his mistake. Bucky raised his eyebrow giving him a strange look.

"What do you mean? I'm right here."

"I uh meant Barney...he's a guy I work with at my job. He seems like he has a lot of potential...in cooking." Bucky's face searched Steves, obviously picking up the lie but he wasn't sure where or in which part.

"One of your students?"

"Yes! One of them." Steve was surprised he was a teacher, he always knew his Captain America personification could teach any moral situation to anyone. But just him being Steve didn't feel like the type of person who would teach anyone anything.

"Oh. Okay, well if I ever meet him I'll give him some tips." Steve was nodding before Bucky even finished speaking.

"Sounds great Buck." He smiled at Bucky then stuffed his mouth with breakfast wrap. He didn't want to risk saying anything else stupid.

******

Steve had finished washing the dishes from breakfast and was flipping through the channels, trying to find Vision's show again. He cursed himself for not recording the channel number, then remembered he wouldn't know how to find the channel number in the first place. He took a deep breath and rubbed his face with his hands. He only had so long before Bucky was finished with his shower. Steve had already done all the cram studying of this time period he could, but five hours isn't enough to make up for five years of missing knowledge. He put his face in his hands and took a deep breath.

" _Bucky I really don't think this is the time to be setting up a Christmas Tree," Steve said, his arms were crossed and he watched as Bucky took another set of ornaments out of his plastic shopping bag._

_"What do you mean Steve? It's Christmas time. You always loved finding some beat old tree thrown away in one of the dumpsters. Remember? We'd just put any crappy ornaments we found on the tree."_

_"Yeah I remember...we'd always find a way to take a picture together and then we'd put it on the tree."_

_"Take a picture? Do you mean we sat in front of a mirror long enough for you to sketch the two of us?" Bucky laughed and put the last box on the couch. He had about five laid out side by side. There were different assortments, and ones he specifically picked out for himself and Steve._

_"Yeah, that was fun." Steve began to smile but he stopped himself and bit his lip. "But there is no time for Christmas, Bucky I scheduled a training meeting and if we start to decorate now then we'll never get to it." He said all of this in one breath. Bucky's serene face seemed unchanged by Steve's excuses._

_"Steve, what do you mean there's no time for Christmas? We haven't had a single, even slightly above average attack on Earth ever since we beat Thanos. Why are you always so on edge?"_

_"That's exactly why I'm on edge Bucky. They're probably all plotting and planning against the Earth. If we let ourselves get out of practise and out of sync, there takeover will be easy." Bucky swayed as he walked towards Steve, he took one of Steve's hands._

_"Or...they saw us kick the ass of this supposedly all-powerful being. And now they're too afraid of bothering Earth, that's even more plausible than your idea." He lifted Steve's hand up and put his metal arm on Steve's waist. "Baby relax, listen to the Christmas music." Steve blushed, they had only recently began together often enough for him to warrant dating in his head._

_"This isn't Christmas music this is Frank Sinatra," Steve pointed out, "You have been listening to them all week." Bucky smiled and leaned in closer to Steve. Steve put both of his hands on Bucky's neck letting himself be lead by him._

_"What can I say? He has a voice like butter, thick enough to slice a butter knife through." Steve let out a chuckle at that and tried to hide that with a cough. "Come on Steve, you can't force yourself to be miserable and call it responsibility." He leaned in close his lip by Steve's ear. "I've watched you be miserable enough, especially when I didn't know if you'd make it through." It was a dirty trick to get Steve to give in to what he wanted, but Bucky felt no qualms about using it._

_"I'm not going to apologize for what I did Bucky. It was the only way we were going to win."_

_"I'm not asking you to apologize, I'm asking you to be happy. That's one of the billion reasons I was terrified of you leaving the world. I've always been afraid that you were never happy." He said it softly but the impact still his Steve. "I know two years without action could make anyone antsy, especially a workaholic like you. But the people don't need saving right now. The people want the occasional autograph signing, show up to schools, talk about puberty, Captain America. Maybe it's time you put your shield away." Steve's body stiffened against Bucky's and he almost let go of him completely._

_"I'm not putting my shield away Bucky." Bucky immediate saw his misstep._

_"Sorry, not put away. But maybe push it into the background. It shouldn't be in the front of your life anymore."_

_"Then what do you suggest I do with the empty space the Shield will leave?" Steve's voice was soft, it was open, raw. Like Bucky was seeing Steve near his breaking point._

_"Fill me with it?" Bucky's voice held a tangent of unsurity. "I know I'm not good enough to be part of your life, and you'd probably be better o--"_

_"Shut it Bucky, we've already been over this. My life would be a thousand times worse without you in it." He squeezed Bucky's shoulders lightly. "I would love to put you in the front of my life. But...maybe you can co-exist with the shield..." Even Steve didn't sound entirely sure of what he was saying or what he wanted. Bucky saw the indecisiveness in Steve's eyes, he leaned forward and kissed Steve's lips gently. Steve's cheeks heated up and he closed his eyes, he tried to savor the moment. He wasn't sure how many of those he'd have left before Bucky got sick of him._

_Bucky pulled away only when he was sure he couldn't hold his breath any longer. He continued swaying with Steve, he looked at Steve's eyes hoping he could make the doubt go away. He didn't mind sharing a place next to Steve's duty and responsibility, but he knew that that much pressure wasn't healthy._

_"So...are we going to put the ornaments on the tree?" Steve asked shyly, he glanced over at the ornaments lined up on the couch then back at Bucky. Bucky's face broke into a smile and he nodded. He let go of Steve's waist but continued holding on to his hands._

_"I wasn't sure what to get, you didn't want to go with me so I just got whatever seemed interesting." Steve was lead to the couch. He looked at the different ornaments, he of course tried to look for color patterns and themes. The bunch Bucky picked out followed no themes or color patterns, it was just a group of mismatched plastic ornaments. Steve hummed to himself and picked on up. It was a purple circle covered in glitter, it was pretty but there was a problem with them all._

_"They don't mean anything." He said finally after an extended period of silence. Bucky looked at him strangely._

_"What do you mean?" He asked he watched as Steve put the plastic ball back._

_"Well, all these are great. They really are. But they're just boxes and boxes of random shapes with glitter and tinfoil. Each ornament should mean something, we should pick out individual ornaments together. Even if this year it's only a few of them, each year they'll be more and more. And every year we'll top it with a star, and add a picture of us near the top." The meaning of Steve's words seemed to dawn on Bucky. He nodded finally understand, he let go of Steve's hands and closed the box._

_"We can still return all of these, then we can go to a different store and we can pick out a couple individual ornaments that we really like." Steve smiled and nodded._

_"And...I heard Tony said there was a place we could go to get our pictures taken...maybe we could...wear some sweaters and go there?" Steve wasn't much of a photographer at all, but the art fascinated him. Bucky could already see the excitement in Steve's eyes, there was no way he'd do anything to stop that._

_"Course, I'll go get my wallet." He leaned over to Steve and planted a firm kiss on his lips. Steve blushed but didn't stop smiling. Bucky disappeared into the next room. Steve looked to their bare tree-like and saw it as challenge. A challenge to fill it with as many memories as possible._

"Steve? Steve, are you sleeping or something?" Steve removed his hands from his face. He had to blink several times until he was certain he wasn't still in his memory. He looked at Bucky who held a box of their ornaments inside.

"Uh, no. Sorry I just had a slight headache." It wasn't true then but he could already feel one coming along. With the memory, most of the holiday season of that year came crawling back to him.

"Oh, we can go hang out in the bedroom, lower the shades, and hang out there until you're feeling better." As much as he wanted to troop on and continue setting up the tree, he felt himself nod. It was hard for his mind to take in that much information at once. Even if it did make his chest feel warmer, and his love for Bucky deepen. He stood up and Bucky was immediately at his side, his hand firmly behind Steve's back.

"I can walk you know." Steve reminded him, he didn't move away from him. Instead, he leaned into the touch.

"I know, but I know you will only let me carry you so often." Bucky pressed a kiss to Steve's cheek and began leading him to the bedroom.

As they walked Steve saw five picture frames scattered on the kitchen table. Each one held a picture of Steve and Bucky in different attire. Steve guessed that those had to be their Christmas pictures that were put on the tree.

"Hey, Bucky?" Steve asked as they reached the bedroom door. Bucky opened it up for Steve and looked at him.

"Yeah?"

"You know how we take a Christmas picture every year?"

"Yeah, we took us already. The Christmas package that you like will be ready for this weekend. I know you worry sometimes." Bucky said quickly. Steve smiled, he loved how considerate he always was of Steve's various anxieties.

"It's not that. I was just thinking...maybe we could keep that picture on the mantle this year. I was thinking of maybe drawing one of us...you know like old times. And we could frame that and put it on the tree." He bit his lip after he finished, he was unsure how Bucky would feel. There was a softness that was reflected in Bucky's eyes that made Steve's heart flutter.

"I really love you Steve." He whispered, more for himself then for Steve. "Yes, that sounds like an awesome idea. I'll get your charcoals after you relax." Steve smiled at that and leaned over to peck his lips. Bucky took Steve by the side of the face and deepen the kiss, he pushed Steve against the side of the doorway. Bucky pulled away and looked at Steve with hooded eyes.

"You're lucky you have a headache." Steve blushed deeply and painted like he was out of breath. He felt a stirring in his lower stomach.

"Maybe I don't anymore." He whispered, in his best attempt to seem seductive. A pang of pain hit the side of his head and he winced. Bucky saw the look of pain and gave him a soft smile

"Doubt that, come on. The least I can do is hug your headache away." He ushered Steve in and closed the door behind him. Bucky took Steve's hand and lead him to the bed.

"I feel like I was just here," Steve said teasingly. Bucky shrugged and wrapped Steve in his arms as he sunk into the bed.

"One of my favorite spots in the house."

"What are some of your other favorite spots?" Steve asked him innocently. Bucky raised and lowered his eyebrows.

"You know, you're pretty familiar with them yourself." There was a silence as Steve tried to think of any plausible reference Bucky was making.

"I hate when you tease me and I don't even know what about." Bucky laughed his whole body moving with him. He planted a kiss on the side of Steve's head.

"You're so cute." He mumbled, Steve, smiled and closed his eyes. He just enjoyed feeling Bucky so close to him.

"That's one way to describe Captain America."

"That's a better way to describe Steve." Steve wanted to say something in reply to that but a headache was blocking his thoughts. He let out a comfortable sigh and let Bucky's breathing calm him, soon they were exhaling and inhaling at the same time. 


	6. The Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a stressful morning, Steve is in for a surprise.

Bucky sat down next to Steve, he put the cup of coffee in Steve’s hand then kissed his cheek. Steve shifted his eyes towards Bucky as he slowly re-emerged out of his trance.

“Sorry, when did you go get coffee?”

“About five minutes ago.” Buck chuckled, Steve tried to smile back but he felt too out of it.

“That was so...draining,” Steve mumbled, he brought the coffee to his lips and took a long sip. He ignored the near scorching heat. Bucky took his hand and wiggled the cup out of it. He took off the lid and began gently blowing on the coffee.

“Sorry, I probably should have let you sleep more last night. I should have known years of bottling things up would...”

“No no, don’t blame yourself one bit.” Steve scooched closer to Bucky, he could feel his warmth despite the chill in the air. “I just wasn’t prepared...I didn’t actually think she could get anything out of me.” He looked towards the ground, they had left about forty minutes ago but Steve could still remember every word.

“At least she was nice, she knew you didn’t want to share much. That’s why she didn’t ask you as many questions as me.” Bucky put the lid back on the coffee and handed it back to Steve. “The only thing that was weird, is that she gave us homework. I feel like a little kid,” He chuckled.

“I can at least understand the homework. We really do need hobbies.”

“Can’t my hobby be loving my boyfriend?” Bucky put an arm around Steve’s waist, he pressed his lips to the sides of Steve’s cheek lingering there for an excess amount of time. Steve was close to giggles by the time Bucky decided to bring his lips away.

“Wasn’t that one of our problems? Something about we only navigate the world through each other, and how too much of each other can lead to stressors...” Steve looked at Bucky with raised eyebrows, and Bucky looked back a smile on his face.

“It sounds like you just quoted her, did you?” Steve shrugged and took a sip of his coffee, it was much cooler the perfect temperature.

“Maybe, maybe not.” He said coyly, he rested his head on Bucky’s shoulder and let out a sigh. “The way she explained it I can understand why you got so snappy with me. You wanted to focus on work, and other things and all I wanted was to take up your time. And I wanted to constantly talk to you, I asked you all the questions I had, you always came out with me when I went places, I barely gave you a break.” Steve’s voice and tone declined as his list went on, the same guilt he felt when the therapist explained it had resurfaced.

“Hey hey now, don’t make it sound that I didn’t love every second of that time spent with you. I was the asshole okay? I didn’t communicate with you enough and upset you constantly, I held it in, I tried to handle it on my own, and took it out on you.”

“Don’t put all the blame on yourself, Buck, I should have picked up on social cues. I got caught up in...me, and...the lack of work. And...the shield. I ignored what was good for us because I was obsessed with being a hero.” Bucky used his metal hand to lift Steve’s chin, he pecked his lips and looked into his eyes.

“We both fucked up somehow right? But I always knew I could be an ass, but this is the first time that you’ve actually admitted that being Captain America, really was becoming an obsession. You know what that's called?”

“What?” Steve asked he felt heat pulsing from his cheeks. He was so close to Bucky that his lips felt like they were being pulled towards him.

“Progress.” He reached in front of Steve and snatched his coffee. He moved away from Steve’s face and took a long sip. Steve scoffed and reached for it.

“What was that for jerk?” Bucky laughed and held it out of his reach.

“Nothing, I just wanted some of your coffee.” Steve narrowed his eyes teasingly and tried to reach the cup.

“Why didn’t you get your own then?” Bucky smiled and stood up with the cup, he took one more long sip and handed it back to Steve. Steve snatched the cup out of his hands, holding it closer to himself wearily.

“Don’t know what it is, but coffee tastes so much better when you’ve already drunk from it.” Steve stood up and weighed the cup in his hands.

“It’s half empty, what sort of whale-sized swallows you take?” Bucky shrugged teasingly and pulled Steve closer to him again. Steve almost pulled away, but Bucky’s warmth alone kept him glued to his side.

“Big mouth, big tongue, big swallows,” He said simply, he had a smirk on his face.

“Your mouth isn’t that big, that's not excused.”

“Oh Steven, we both know that’s a lie. Especially with the places my tongue reached la-”

“Ugh hush up jerk!” Steve’s face was bright red and he was avoiding looking anywhere near Bucky. He heard Bucky’s hearty laugh, then felt a kiss press against his neck.

“You love me,”

“Uh huh,  _sure_  I do.”

“Maybe you’re just jealous because your mouth is smaller.” Bucky’s finger poked Steve’s bottom lip. Steve still didn’t turn in his direction, he couldn’t even see where he was going but he trusted Bucky enough to not walk them off an edge. “Don’t be too down, we both know that tiny mouth can hold some big things.”

“Oh my gosh I’m taking a long way home!” Steve's face was incredibly hot, he pulled away from Bucky. He stepped over the snow mound on the side of the sidewalk to the other side of the street.

Bucky laughed hysterically from behind him, in a few seconds he was walking next to him again.

“Oh, you’re so cute flushed,” Bucky smirked, stealing a quick cheek kiss before Steve quickened his pace again.

“You’re a sadist or something, or maybe a pervert, maybe both!”

“Look at you using new words, did Tony teach those to you?”

“No, it was Scott actually.” He crossed his arms, carefully making sure the coffee didn’t spill on his jacket.

“When did you talk to Scott? Did you get to say hi to Cassidy?”

“That day when you went on a run without me, very jerky move by the way.”

“Hey, remember what the good doctor said. We have to do things apart occasionally, but also...you just looked too cute with your little charcoals surrounding you. So I couldn’t bring myself to wake you up.” Bucky leaned up and kissed his cheek again. Steve couldn’t help but smile, he wasn’t annoyed before but if he was then that would have melted away.

“He did bring Cassy, I drew her a picture that she took home. She was very happy.” Steve had a proud smile on his face, there was something about the look on Cassie's face that made his heart swell.

“You made me very happy when you put that portrait of us on the tree.” Bucky kissed Steve’s cheek again, this time closer to his chin. “It looks so fucking good.”

“I was really happy the way it turned out, I was afraid I would be rusty.”

“Why would you think that? You draw all the time at the Orphanage, just because you took a little break doesn’t mean you’ll be bad.” He kissed Steve again, now his lips were brushing Steve’s neck making him shiver.

“Bucky you’re a flirt, and we are not doing anything frisky in public.” Bucky moved his lips away and pouted.

“Not even on the snow banks?” Steve wrinkled his nose and shook his head.

“No of course not, I’m not rolling around in dirty snow with you.”

“Then I guess we better get home,” Bucky was chuckling, clearly teasing but earning an entrancing glare from Steve.

“You’re like a little addict you know that? When we get back I am eating, and will probably be focusing on finding a hobby.”

“Isn’t drawing enough of a hobby? Why don’t you try drawing the human form today?” His voice was extremely suggestive but Steve paid him no mind. They had reached their door and took out his keys.

“She wanted us to find new hobbies, so I was thinking maybe paints.” He shrugged and unlocked the door. “Don’t forget that you have to find one too.” He opened the door, the two of them walked in. Bucky closed the door behind them, and Steve hung the key ring on the door.

“Maybe our new kid can be my hobby.” Steve felt his whole body stiffen, he continued to look forward.

“What?” Bucky chuckled from behind him, he put a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“You didn’t forget, right? You nearly cried, you did all the work and research. Picked out the company yourself, we already have Christmas presents for it!. Nat’s bringing it by pretty soon.” Steve felt like he was in full panic mode, he hadn’t mentally prepared for a child. Thoughts of being a good father and ending up like his father raced through his mind.

“Of course I didn’t, I just...forgot what you meant for a moment.” He didn’t look at Bucky and escaped to the kitchen. He stuck his head in the fridge hoping to end conversation. He prayed that if he puttered around the kitchen enough, Bucky would leave. That way Steve could have enough room to panic.

“Oh, by the way, I guess I lost the bet. You really did manage to not talk about it until the day it arrives.” Bucky walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. “You know, we’d save a ton of energy if you knew what you wanted from the fridge before you opened it for 30 minutes.” Bucky was teasing but Steve took that as his cue to close the fridge and move on. Steve grabbed the last package of pudding and closed the fridge.

“I forget what’s in there,” Steve said in his defense, he opened up the cutlery drawer and took out a spoon.

“Hey hey, what do you have there?” Bucky stepped behind Steve and looked over his shoulder as Steve beginning mixing his pudding.

“It’s a pudding cup.” Steve tried to sound as aloof as possible as he took a spoon full.

“Sorry to inform you but those are my pudding cups.”

“I’m the one who buys them so that means I’m entitled to a couple.”

“But...they’re mine,” Bucky said slowly, Steve rolled his eyes and went to the other side of the counter to sit down.

“You’re so whiny, and you eat like 5 pounds of this junk a week. I’m protecting you from yourself, you should be happy.” Steve took another spoonful, he made it a show to lick the pudding off of the spoon. Bucky looked scandalized and sat at the other side of him.

“With my luck that was the last one,” Bucky grumbled as he sat in the seat next to him. Steve bit his lip holding back a mischievous smile. He began humming as he ate his pudding, intentionally looking away from Bucky. “It wasn’t the last one right?” Steve continued humming and looking away, he was wiggling to the tune of his made up song. “Stevie...” He said whined, Steve nearly burst out laughing as he finished his last spoonful.

“Don’t worry I go shopping in a few days,” He laughed out, then stood up turning his back to Bucky.

“Steve! How could you do this to me? You’ve claimed to love me, then treat me like this!” He said as dramatically as he could. Steve threw out the cup and put his spoon in the sink.

“If you’re lucky maybe you can still taste the pudding in my mouth.” Bucky looked determined as he walked towards Steve. Steve raised his eyebrow not sure what to expect from Bucky.

“Let’s find out.” Before Steve could react, Bucky had taken his hand and was trying to kiss him again. Steve laughed and used his free hand to smush Bucky’s face out of the way.

“Nope! I get all the wonderful pudding taste to myself.”

“Stevie!” Bucky whined, he poked at Steve’s hips. Steve stifled a giggle and tried to wiggle away from him. “I’ll chase you into the bedroom.” He warned with a wolfish smile. Steve smiled and tried to squat and shimmy past him. Bucky caught him by the seat of his pants and pulled.

“Bucky!” Steve laughed, he held one of the back belt loops of his pants. Doing all he could to keep his pants from falling. “Buy your own pudding.”

“Well, I don't need pudding, when I’ve got my Puddin’ right here.” He turned on the Brooklyn accent thick forcing Steve to stop and listen. Bucky smirked, the smile only taking up half of his face making him look swoon-worthy to Steve. Bucky took the tip of Steve’s chin and tilted to the side so that they were looking at each other. He dipped his head, his lips were close to Steve’s ear. “Ain’t that right darlin’?” He whispered, the huskiness to his voice almost made Steve fall over.

Steve’s cheeks were heating up and his lips were being bitten red. Bucky pressed a soft but lingering kiss on the side of Steve’s neck. He let go of the seat of Steve’s pants and used his flesh hand to guide Steve’s face closer to his own.

“Now, let me have a taste.” He whispered Steve had already slowly closed his eyes. His body was anticipating a kiss but a part of his brain still wanted to tease Bucky.

The doorbell rang, Steve’s eyes fluttered open and he looked towards the door. Bucky blinked and in an instant, he went from ruthless a seducer to an overly excited man.

“It must be here.” He smiled wide, he stood up and extended a hand to Steve. Steve blinked once more and took his hand. He was close to freaking out as Bucky pulled him up.

“Our...child?” He was usually better at keeping his emotions under wraps but the thought of having an actual child was enough to send him into a panic attack.

“Hey? What's wrong you don’t seem ecstatic.” Bucky frowned, the doorbell rang several more times in quick succession. “We’re coming!” Bucky yelled over his shoulder, then looked back to Steve concern written on his face.

“I don’t think I can do this Buck. I don’t think I’ll be a good father, I’ll mess it up, I’ll drink and become just like my father. Or, I’ll say something and forever scare our child. I shouldn’t have agreed to this, I’m so sorry.”

Steve took his hand away from Bucky’s and put a hand over his eyes. He didn’t want Bucky to see the redness and the moisture in his eyes. He hated letting Bucky, a man who had been through much more than him, see him break down.

“Hey hey,” Bucky stepped to him and wrapped his arms tightly around Steve. Steve stifled his cry and closed his eyes letting Bucky’s warmth relax him. “The day you become like your father is the day the world comes to an end okay? That’s first of all. Second of all, you’re psyching yourself out. You’ve taken care of people before, you’ll be able to handle this. You’re so amazing, you’re warm, you’re smiley, you’re adorable, you’re kind and you smell amazing. You will only improve its life okay?” He cupped Steve’s face in his hands. “I should be the one worried, I’m the one who has an asshole-ish tendency.”

“N-No you don’t.” Steve took deep breaths trying to calm himself down. He wiped away any stray tears. He felt like an idiot and could barely meet Bucky’s eyes.

“Come on, we’re going to walk to the door, open that door, say hi to Nat, and welcome it into our home. Okay?” Bucky pressed a kiss to the top of Steve’s head. He let go of his face and put his flesh arm around Steve’s shoulder. Steve nodded, he trained his eyes to the ground. Bucky guided them to the front door.

“Let’s both take a deep breath,” Bucky instructed, he paused for a moment then sucked in a deep breath. Steve copied him, he sucked in air and released it for as long as Bucky did. Bucky reached out and opened the door handle.

A very blonde Natasha stood behind the door. She was wearing surprisingly casual clothing. She only wore brown shorts and a shirt, the only thing off about her was she was holding a large carrier in her right hand. The left one had made itself at home on her hip, her foot was tapping aggressively on their front door step.

“Took you two long enough, what were you doing? Fucking or something?” Steve was too focused on trying to find a child hidden behind her legs to blush.

“Nah, not this time but almost. Steve was panicking because he thought he wouldn’t be a good doggy dad.” Steve frowned and looked at Bucky, there was a high pitched bark that came from the crate Nat was holding. Steve nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Seriously? Steve, you are literally the most prepared human being in the world. I can already smell the puppy treat recipes that you have stuffed somewhere in Bucky’s cookbooks.”

“Don’t worry they’re there. I almost made chicken and spinach puppy biscuits instead of cookies the other day.” He chuckled and looked at the crate.

“That’s a pretty big crate, I thought you said that we’d most likely get a puppy.” Nat set down the crate and got on her knees.

“Oh trust me this girl is definitely a puppy. If she wasn’t I’m not sure anyone would be able to train her.” Nat assured him, she took out a leash from her back pocket. Steve gasped, everything was beginning to click. The fear tightening in his chest was still there but it was now joined by overwhelming excitement.

“She’s in there? She’s a she! What does she look like? Is she smart? Oh, I don’t care if she’s smart or not.” Steve began gushing, he had always wanted a dog since he had begun feeding strays back in the 40’s.

“Oh don’t worry she’s a genius, you’ll love her Steve. She reminds me of a certain too smart trouble maker. She looked up at Bucky knowingly. Bucky scoffed and waved his hand in dismal.

“Just show us our dog before Steve forces it open.” Nat complied, she took off the blanket that was covering the crate. She had to move in front of the crate, she made sure to cover every possible exit way. She slowly unlocked the crate. There was a yelp as she stuck her hands inside.

Steve watched anxiously as Nat struggled to leash her. After another 30 seconds, Nat moved away from the front of the crate. As soon as she did a ball of fur shot out from it. It tried to run off but the leash restrained her. Steve gasped as soon as he saw her, he got to his knees to get a better look at her.

She was a dusty looking black. As far as Steve knew she looked more like a wolf than a dog, her limbs were elongated and she had an extremely wolf-like snout. One of her ears was bent adorably down while the other one was perked up. Her fur was going in every which way, it made her look like the most regal fluff ball Steve had ever laid eyes on. He looked closer and could see an almost silver crest on the front of her chest.

Steve watched in soft awe for almost minutes. Once the pup realized she wasn’t going anywhere she stopped. Instead of choosing to conserve her energy. She looked at Nat with slight disdain, she looked at Bucky then looked away. Her eyes landed on Steve, to her Steve seemed the most sympathetic. She whined and sat without any prompting.

“So do you like her?”

“She’s so perfect, she’s so beautiful and...and everything that I could have asked for! Bucky doesn’t she look like old Jack?”

“You mean the dog you gave all your food too? Yeah, she actually really does.” Bucky squatted down next to Steve, he put a hand on his shoulder. “I was almost happy when he disappeared I thought you were going to starve.”

“I thought you said a family adopted him from the streets?” Steve looked genuinely worried, he could remember the despair he felt when Jack didn’t come back.

“Oh yeah, it’s been awhile I almost forgot.” Bucky gave Steve a comforting smile and pat his back. “So, you did say whatever puppy you brought us would be a reject from the military training dog program thing. What's wrong with her?” Steve felt the need to jump to his new pups rescue and inform Bucky that was nothing wrong with her.

“There really isn’t anything wrong with her, the little shit just has an attitude problem. And she’s way too smart for her own good, at the base we’re speculating that she’s probably part wolf.” Nat rubbed the top of the pups ears, she didn’t growl but shifted uncomfortably. Steve wanted to take her in his arms and comfort her immediately.

“Is it a big behavioral problem? Is she violent?” Bucky asked he looked a bit warily at the dog.

“Violent? No, not violent. She just chooses to disregard orders by certain people, me especially. Then intentionally follows the orders of other people. It’s really fucking annoying.” She handed the leash over to Steve. Steve took it in his hands, he felt a part of his chest swell. It was like he was blessed with a great responsibility.

“She sounds like a real character,” Bucky mumbled, he stood up and tilted his head towards the door. Nat nodded and stood up, she left the blanket and crate down.

“You can keep the crate as long as she fits in it, and the blanket was something she came with.” Nat began heading to the door, missing the look of gratitude on Steve’s face.

“Thanks a billion Nat,” Steve said with as much sincerity as he could.

“Oh! She also likes dialing 911 for dumb reasons. Good luck!” She waved to Steve as Bucky opened the door for her. He gave her a brief smile and waved her goodbye. He closed the door behind her, his hands were already running through his hair.

“So Steve, maybe we should keep the leash on her un-”

“Now you’re free,” Steve announced as he took off the leash on her collar. “Hello, my name is Steve and that’s Bucky.” He pointed at Bucky who looked baffled. “We want to be your friends for a really long time. We’ll clean you, feed you, keep you warm, and especially loved. Welcome to the family!” Steve said with enough genuine bubbly excitement to put a small child to shame.

The puppy looked uninterested. She stood back up and began walking around the room. Steve followed, he was still on his knees.

“Steve, I just want to tell you that you look like a crazy person.”

“Me?” He looked at him at Bucky. “I’m just following our puppy.”

“On all hands and knees, that's weird.” Bucky followed behind Steve, this moment was too cute for him to see alone. He took out his simple phone and began recording the scene.

“Where do you think she’s going?” Steve asked as they followed the puppy into their room.

“Seeing as she probably had a class or two for sniffing out bombs...she’s probably looking for snacks,” Bucky deduced. The pup stopped at the closet, she looked it up and down. She put a paw on the door and left it there.

“Is that where the puppy treats are?” Steve asked he hadn’t noticed Bucky recording yet.

“Yeah, it is,” Bucky chuckled, he leaned over Steve and the dog. He opened the closet door revealing their stash of dog items that Bucky had ordered upon Steve’s instruction.

“Woah, that’s a lot of stuff.” He mumbled, he wondered why none of this had been there the time he had been looking through the closet like a mad man.

“Yeah, you had me order a ton. Some of it came later, but it all arrived.” The puppy had been inspecting the different drawers, she stood near one of the drawers close to the secret one that Steve avoided.

She wiggled her nose under the handle and pulled backward. The drawer opened up immediately, inside there were t-bone shaped treats.

“Can I give her one?” Steve asked he reached hesitantly for the bag.

“Go ahead, one treat won’t hurt her.” Steve smiled and grabbed the bag. He ripped it open and took out a treat. He put the bag next to him and crossed his legs.

“Hey, little girl if you come here I’ll give you a yummy snack.” The puppy seems to ponder it for an eternity. She walked closer to him and stepped into his laps. Steve held the treat in front of her face open palmed. She ate it from his hand, she chewed thoughtfully. When she finished she climbed out of his lap and laid down on her stomach next to Steve’s leg. “Why don’t you try Buck?”

“Sure why not,” He reached into the treat bag and pulled out the same treat. He held it between his fingers and squatted down so that he was closer to their level. “Come here girlie,” He made cute clicking noises hoping to attract her attention. The puppy looked generally uninterested and didn’t move.

“Think she’s not hungry?” Steve offered, he looked down at the pup who had laid her head between her paws.

“Maybe, maybe she’s just difficult.” Bucky teased, he got closer. He made sure not to breech her personal space, he offered her the treat again this time open handed. She slowly picked her head up and took the treat from Bucky’s hand. She brought it between her paws and gnawed on it. “There we go.” Bucky smiled and lightly rubbed the top of her head. She didn’t move, just continued to gnaw away. Steve smiled warmly at the two of them.

“We should give her a name.” Bucky turned off the video recording on his phone and nodded in agreement. Bucky put his phone next to him and thought for awhile.

“How about Jack?”

“Isn’t that a guy name?” Steve asked he looked at her. Bucky shrugged and zipped up the bag of treats.

“Subjective, but who cares. It’s our dog.”

“You’re right, I like it. She looks like a Jack doesn’t she?” Steve smiled and lightly scratched her behind the ear. She still didn’t move, Steve took that as a good sign.

Bucky scooted to the other side of Steve. He kissed his cheek and put a hand on his thigh.

“Do you feel more confident now?” Steve nodded and rested his head on Bucky’s shoulders.

“Yes, yes I do. I don’t know why I was so scared.”

“Maybe we could talk about it?” Bucky offered and pressed a kiss to Steve’s forehead.

“Maybe another time, I don’t want to dwell on that stuff.”

“You don’t like to dwell on anything.”

“That’s not fair.” He paused. “I like dwelling on you.”

“I know that wasn’t sexual but I’ll take it as sexual.” Bucky kissed behind Steve’s ear, making the blonde squirm.

“You’re the worst.”

“I think your words last night where  _you’re amazing Bucky oh goo_ -”

“Hush up you, there are children present.” Steve put a finger to Bucky’s lip. Bucky chuckled and put the finger down.

“Too pure for your own good.”

“Too naughty for  _your_ own good.” Steve countered huffily, only causing Bucky to chuckle more.

“I love you too damn much.”

“I love you, and now Jackie. So I couldn’t be happier.” Steve smiled and pressed a light sweet kiss to Bucky’s cheek.

“Being a good boyfriend pays off,” Bucky mumbled and drifted his hand farther up Steve’s thigh.

“Yeah...maybe later.” Steve blushed and looked away, Bucky mentally fist pumped.

“Later is my favorite word.” Bucky chuckled, Jack picked up her head to look at them. Steve smiled and looked at Jack and Bucky. He really couldn’t ask for more. 


	7. A Snow Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a hard day at work, Steve relaxes with his family

Steve fell back onto the bed, letting out a long sigh of relief. He felt more exhausted than he remembered ever feeling with the Avengers. Bucky approached the door frame of their bedroom, he leaned against it.

“Tired?” He smiled and crossed his arms. He walked closer to the bed and sat on the edge, his weight pushing it down. Steve turned his head and yawned in response. He turned his entire body so that he was on his side.

“That’s just the beginning of it, I have paint in places that I can’t even reach.” He rubbed his eyes, his hand reached out and resting on the bed between them.

“Work was that rough?” Bucky took Steve’s hand in his, he rubbed the top of Steve’s hand with his thumb. Steve nodded slowly his head pushing the pillow it laid on.

“A few weeks of doing nothing did not prepare me to teach art to mutants.” He was just lucky that he had a flashback on the way there, if he hadn’t he wouldn’t have known how to explain to Bucky why he couldn’t do his own job. “I was an idiot. I didn’t even have a lesson plan I just wung the entire thing.”

“Steve Rogers? Not planning ahead? I must really be doing a number on you.” Bucky teased, he leaned down and kissed Steve’s cheek. Steve tilted his head to smile at him.

“You must be. Of all the time not to have a plan, working with mutants shouldn’t have been one of them.” Bucky adjusted so he was sitting completely on the bed. He pressed his back against the headboard and shifted Steve’s head on his lap.

“Was it hectic?” Bucky asked sarcastically. Steve scoffed and nuzzled into his lap.

“Hectic? It was like a paint bomb exploded in there. Actually, some kid really did explode paint in there. This boy, Kreg I think, tripped and the paint can he was holding flew into the air. There was this other girl, she could do something with time but I don’t know exactly what.”

“Did she stop the paint bucket from falling or something?”

“Yeah, but it was unstable so the bucket just ended up exploding.” He grimaced but Bucky began chuckling. “I’m glad you find it funny, but it got yellow paint  _everywhere_.” Despite his previous mood, his frown was losing its edge as Bucky continued laughing,

“I’m sorry Stevie, but I can just imagine your face covered with paint. That adorable surprised look you always get when you’re in complete disbelief. I would have loved to be there.” He smiled and rubbed Steve’s recently washed hair. Steve smiled at that and pushed farther into Buck’s lap.

“It’s okay, it was kind of funny.” It certainly helped that most of the kids looked mortified and apologetic.

“But was all of it bad?” Steve thought back for a moment and felt guilty for not talking about a single good thing.

“No, of course not. I was just grumpy about the paint thing. But honestly they were real sweethearts, they acted so nicely. I think they really felt bad about nearly scaring me away.” Steve’s flashback had revealed nearly being tortured by some of the orphans every time he went to teach the art class. Xavier had personally apologized to him and gave him a winter vacation, asking him to consider before quitting.

“Oh don’t be dramatic. You’re Steven Grant Rogers, you’re weren’t going anywhere anytime soon. You would have taught those kids art until you were physically removed from the room.” Bucky poked the tip of his nose, Steve tilted his head back more so that they could make eye contact.

“Fine, maybe you’re right but they were still unpleasant.” He adjusted his head back, his fingers began drawing small shapes into the side of Bucky’s foot. “I’m just glad they chose today to be really good. We didn’t exactly do anything productive, but I’m sure it was fun for them. Tonight I’ll make a lesson plan.”

“Ooh getting fancy huh Stevie? What are you planning on making them draw? The human form?” He asked suggestively.

“No that’s way too complicated for novices,” Steve rolled his eyes at his boyfriend. “I think they can draw simple renditions of dogs, maybe I’ll bring a few in.”

“Is this an excuse to take Jackie with you to school?” Steve bit back a smile and shrugged.

“Maybe, maybe not. But who can blame me, she’s absolutely adorable.” He hummed, he tugged their blanket over his body. Bucky’s warmth was putting him to sleep sooner.

“She’s eating me out of house and home. I’m pretty sure Nat gave us a werewolf.”

“But she’s absolutely adorable,” Steve said in her defense.

“ _And_  she keeps dialing 911 when we’re getting intimate.” Bucky continued.

“But she has that one floppy ear and it’s the most precious thing in the world.”

“Her barks out the loudest thing I’ve ever heard, and we’ve been to war. We could probably hear her over gun fire.”

“Her fur is the softest, and she has these huge puppy eyes,” Steve said dreamily missing his puppies comfort.

“That she uses against you constantly, she basically cons you out of food. And when she’s not eating your food she’s just breaking into our closet and taking things.”

“But that just means she’s a genius.”

“Oh yeah, she’s some genius alright. While you were at work she was using one of your sex toys as a chew toy.” Steve’s whole body turned red, he tried covering his face with the blanket.

“James!” He groaned, “Those aren’t mine.” He mumbled he could feel the heat radiating through his entire body.

“Not like I use ‘em.” Bucky chuckled and tugged Steve’s hair lightly. “You’re the shyest, kinkiest-”

“I am  _not_  kinky, I assure you. I am wholesome, and clean, and good, and si-”

“Don’t make a liar out of you Steven.” Bucky whispered, his lips suddenly close to Steve’s ear. Steve bit his lip, Bucky’s hot breath on his neck making his blush a million times worse.

There was a bark outside of their door, Steve’s sigh of relief was audible.

“Jackie, come in girl.” He urged, he knew Bucky had enough decency to not try and seduce him with Jackie in the room. Bucky looked pleased to see his puppy, but his eyes were still undressing Steve. Jackie pushed the door all the way open with her nose. She was already significantly taller than she was when she first came, she could no longer fit into her crate. Bucky had to put a gate around an entire corner of the living room that became her domain.

“Hey Jackster.” Bucky said in the voice he used just for Jackie. She didn’t respond right away to the endearment, but when Steve began wiggling his fingers towards her she began slowly walking to them. She stood right in front of the bed, her eyes shifted between the two of them and the closet.

“Come lie down with us.” Steve pulled back the blankets, she just looked at him. She rested her head on the edge of the bed. Steve was able to lean close enough to rub the top of her head. She closed her eyes as she received scratches.

“She’s so...I don’t know how to explain it.” Bucky mumbled, upon receiving a look from Steve he clarified. “But I love it, it makes her special,” Bucky said with a slight nervous quiver in his voice.

“She’s the best.” Steve mumbled scratching behind her ears. Jackie moved away from him, she licked his hand in appreciation. She looked at them, then looked at the door. She barked, making her intentions clear. “Oh she wants to go for a walks,” Steve translated. Bucky raised his eyebrow, skeptical.

“How does that mean take a walk?” Jackie turned around and walked out of the room. “Maybe she just wanted to leave?”

“No, she’ll be back in a second.” As if to prove Steve’s point, Jackie returned with her collar and leash in her mouth. Bucky sighed deeply, knowing he had limited options.

“Couldn’t she give us ten minutes?” Bucky groaned, he took his hand out of Steve’s hair.

“Why would we need ten min...” Steve trailed off, Bucky had adjusted his hips and felt Bucky’s problem area against the side of his face. “Oh...” He blushed and looked up at Bucky who looked unapologetic.

“Do you think puppies can take bribes? Or have a concept of time?” Jackie took that moment to jump on the bed, she hovered over Steve and dropped the leash and collar on his face.

“Ouch,” Steve mumbled as the metal bits hit the side of his nose. Jackie got close to Bucky and barked once in his face. It wasn’t threatening, but it sounded demanding. A wave of doggy breath hit Bucky’s face it aided in Bucky’s transition to softness.

“Fine, we’ll get up. But both of us are going, no naps until Queen Jackie is pleased.” Bucky tapped Steve’s cheek. Steve shifted the collar and leash off of his face.

“I don’t mind, just wish it was a little warmer out.” Jackie stepped off of him and hopped off of the bed. Steve sat up, he patted down his ruffled hair and threw his leg over the side of the bed.

“Tell me about it, it’s like it never gets warmer.” Bucky kissed the side of Steve’s face and slid off of the bed. He tightened his drooping sweatpants and went out the closet. Steve was still in the clothes that he had redressed in. For a moment he considered changing into more formal clothing. He decided against once he remembered Jackie was a runner. He stood up and grabbed Jackie’s collar.

She waited in front of him, looking up expectantly. Steve bent down and slipped the collar on, he put two fingers between her neck and the collar making sure it was comfortable.

“Do you think she likes her collar?” He picked up the jacket that he had hung on the corner of the bed frame.

“Seeing as she can’t see color, I think she likes it fine.” Bucky put on a thick oversized sweatshirt and tightened the drawstrings.

“Maybe we should let her pick next time we go to the pet shop.” He zipped up his jacket and put on his gloves. He grabbed the leash to put on Jackie but she had disappeared out the bedroom door.

“Babe I don’t think she really cares. If you want we can get her a special comfy leash or something, but collars hardly matter.” Steve blushed at the use of babe and nodded.

“You’re probably right, do you think we should go to a different Vet?”

“Why would she need a new vet?”

“She really didn’t seem to like the other one we went to go see.” Bucky chuckled under his breath and walked over to Steve. He put an arm loosely around Steve’s waist.

“I think that must be a trend amongst pets, let’s give the Vet a chance before we switch her out.” Bucky pecked Steve’s lips lightly. “You’re pretty, you know that?” He whispered Steve blushed.

“I’m not really...” Bucky just smiled, he kissed Steve again and let go.

“I’m going to use the bathroom, wait for me by the door. Don’t let Jackie trick you out the door without me.” Steve smiled warmly and nodded.

“I’ll do my best.” He smiled and walked out of the bedroom. He headed towards the front door, he already guessed that Jackie would be hanging out around there. “Jackie, you there sweetie?”

Jackie was patiently standing by the door, watching him approach her. Steve smiled and bent down in front of her.

“Let's get this on you, okay girl?” The leash was more of a harness that went in front of her chest and was secured by her legs. He guided her feet through the loops and tightened it properly. He rubbed the top of her head and stood back up, the long part of the rope in hand. Jackie paced in place every now and then looking towards the door. She looked up to Steve with puppy eyes, Steve’s typically strong resolve felt pressure.

By the time Bucky had returned, Steve had almost opened the door on several occasions.

“You actually waited for me?” Bucky said pleasantly surprised. He stepped in front of him and opened the front door. Steve let out a sigh of relief and wrapped the rope of Jackie’s leash around his wrist.

“Barely, did you grab the poop bags?” Bucky nodded and flashed him a roll of purple plastic in tube form.

“Do you want me to walk her and you pick up the poop?”

“Nope, I’m already holding her leash. Try and keep up.” He teased, Jackie ran through the front door and was ready to start sprinting down the side way. Steve laughed and began running on the side of her.

“Hey no fair,” He heard Bucky shout behind him. Soon enough he felt Bucky running on the other side of Steve, his hand lightly touched Steve’s arm. He winked at Steve and despite the cold Steve felt his heart melt. “I think we should try to guide her to the forest, there’s a lot of ice still on the sidewalk.” Bucky said between breaths.

“Sounds good, do you want to lead the way?” Jackie picked up the pace, she seemed determined to go faster than she had the previous days.

“Of course,” Bucky managed to sneak a kiss from Steve without tumbling into him. He ran ahead of them snapping his fingers behind him so that Jackie would pay attention. He ran them the long way out of the neighborhood and to the woods that connected to the park. Thankfully for safety reasons there was a few clear-cut paths that Bucky and Steve had run a few times.

Jackie’s stamina was surprisingly stable for a puppy as young as her. Steve figured if Bucky and he were any sort of regular dog parents than they might have been wheezing by now.

Steve felt comfort from the run despite the cold. He was well equipped to deal with the chill, and his jacket provided extra insulation. The snow crunching underneath their feet began to comfort Steve. As they ran longer Bucky and him began to synchronize their steps, soon it was just two repeated sounds of their feet followed by the soft patter of Jackie’s feet. Something about running with the two fo them felt so right, like he was running with his family.

Eventually Steve could barely feel the cold. Bucky had slowed so that he was in line with Steve once more. There shoulders bumped occasionally, Bucky turned his head and smiled at Steve. Steve had no idea why but he felt a light blush across his cheeks. He bit his lip and faced forward as they continued running.

“Do you want to finish out this path and take a left so we can stop at the park?” Bucky asked, glancing down at Jackie who seemed just as energetic as when they began.

“Getting tired?” Steve teased, he followed Bucky as he turned left.

“Not by a long shot, but I want Jackie to enjoy some of the snow. You know, without steam boating through it.”

“ _Sure_.” Steve laughed running ahead of Bucky Jackie right along beside him. They slowed down as the path lead into a large clearing that was the local park. Steve slowed to a stop and gripped Jackie’s leash tightly to stop her from continuing running.

Instead of choking herself like most dogs Jackie ran small circles around Steve until she had completely stopped. She stood there, mouth open and panting. Steve and Bucky smiled at her neither of them had broken a sweat.

“Think she’ll be okay if I take the leash off?” Steve crouched his knees resting in the snow.

“Why don’t you just take the leash part off, she’ll be fine if the harness stays on.” Steve nodded and unhooked the leash part and slipped it into his pocket.

“Did we even bring any toys?” He asked, Bucky stuck his hands into his pocket and shook his head.

“Nope, just poop bags.” He laughed. Jackie chose that moment to begin to roll around in the snow. She walked around the two of them, occasionally digging at the ground. She parked at nothing in particular and tried jumping a few times. Steve smiled and stood back, he tried to save the moment into his memory so he could draw it later. Bucky was chuckling watching her. He bent down and grabbed a handful of snow, he threw it in the air around her.

Jackie quickly popped to her feet and ran towards Bucky, she jumped catching most of the snow in her mouth and Bucky’s flesh fingers as well. Bucky took his hand away laughing despite the close call.

“Didn’t expect that.” Jackie stood in front of him tail wagging expecting him to throw more. Bucky bent down and scooped more snow up, he threw it in the air in again. Farther away from him this time. Jackie barked and jumped to catch in her mouth.

She caught most of it in her mouth but fragments hit her nose instead. When she had four feet on the ground again she shook her head, trying to shake the snow off. Bucky continued throwing snow, Jackie getting more and more accurate with each throw.

“Who needs balls when you have snow?” Steve chuckled, he kept his hands safely warm in his pocket. Bucky looked over at Steve with a raised eyebrow. Steve didn’t like his look, he took a step back. “Bucky?”

“Jackie, go catch!” He threw a handful of snow towards Steve. Steve gasped and tried to duck out of the way. The usually agile puppy jumped right towards Steve. Her body collided with Steve’s and without the use of his hands, he fell backward into the snow with her.

“Ack!” He groaned as they both came down, he could already feel the wet snow seep into his clothes. “Bucky you menace!” His hands came out of his pocket pushing him to sit up. Jackie seemed unaffected and waited eagerly for more snow.

“Oh, Stevie!” Bucky tried to sound concerned but he was already laughing too hard. Steve pouted and wiped snow off his body. Bucky knelt next to him and tried to give him a hug.

“No, you’re a jerk.” Steve tried crawling away.

“No, I’m sorry!” Bucky laughed and placed a warm kiss on Steve’s cheek. He hugged him tightly sitting in the snow with him. Jackie looked confused but sat down and waited for them.

“No, you’re not.” Steve protested trying to wiggle away.

“Wait, look.” Bucky got more snow and hit himself with it. “Even?” He offered, Steve narrowed his eyes. He grabbed a handful of snow and pushed it into Bucky’s face.

“ _Now_  we’re even.” Steve laughed, he kissed Bucky’s now snow-covered forehead.

“What happened to Captain America’s not an eye for an eye?”

“I’m Steve right now, so when it comes to snow. A snow ball for a snowball seems in order.”

“I’ll show you a couple balls,” Bucky said in a husky voice against Steve’s ear.

“Nope,” Steve laughed and pulled away enough to crawl away and sit up. “It’s cold, and now we’re all wet. Let’s head back home, the way we came.” Bucky smiled knowingly and stop back up.

“Fine, but we’re going to warm each other up when we get back inside,” Bucky said it more like a promise than an offer. Steve figured there wasn’t much arguing with him shrugged instead.

“Whatever you say poop bag.” Steve stuck his tongue out and bent next to Jackie hooking her leash up.

“Don’t you mean responsible dog dad?” Jackie was ready to go as soon as her leash was on. She pulled forward and Steve ran next to her guiding her to the forest.

“I said what I meant!” Steve called out as he ran, Bucky smirked and ran after them.

****

Jackie full on sprinted the last few feet back to the house. For a moment Steve was afraid that they’d both crash into the door with the amount of momentum they carried. Thankfully at the last few moment Bucky had run up ahead of them and opened the front door.

Both Jackie and Steve ran inside, nearly colliding with the couch. Steve threw himself on top of the couch and Jackie had landed on the loveseat. She was panting, Steve swore he could see a satisfied smile on her face. Bucky closed the door behind them, he was chuckling by the time he faced the two of them.

“You should see yourselves, dripping wet, she’s panting, you’re red in the face.” Bucky took off his wet sweatshirt and left it by the door along with his sneakers.

“Don’t you just love us?” Steve laughed and sat up, he let go of Jackie’s leash. Bucky walked over to her and took off her harness, and collar.

“Of course I do. In fact I’m going to go draw us a bath so I can show you how much I love you.” Steve figured an entire days worth of sexual frustration was going to rear its head in a few minutes. Steve blushed, and bit his lip. It felt wrong but he actually felt excitement at the base of his stomach.

“I’ll be here...” Steve said softly, he tried not to look as shy as he felt when he made eye contact with Bucky.

“You better be.” Bucky mumbled as he turned around. “Water better come flooding out of the faucet.” He said to himself. Steve smiled as Bucky disappeared around the corner. He took off his wet Jacket and walked over to Bucky’s fallen sweatshirt by the door.

There were three small knocks that came from the door. Jackie looked at the door but didn’t bark, her ears pressed closer to her ears and she took a few steps back from the door. Steve thought she looked ready to attack whoever was on the other side.

“Cool it, girl, I’m sure it’s just the mailman.” Steve stood in front of her just incase as he opened the door. On the other side, like something right from his show was Vision. He was in his full glory and wearing a blue cardigan and Khakis.

“Steven Rogers, it is important that I speak with you.” Something about Vision being here sent a sick feeling into Steve’s stomach. He felt a headache approaching but he didn’t know where.   
“Uh, yeah sure go ahead...”

“It seems that you are beginning to forget where you belong.” Vision said, Steve felt his heart freeze. Like a slap in the face he was reminded again that he wasn’t supposed to be here. He could hardly believe it, he hadn’t thought of the other world in over two weeks. “The longer you are here, the harder it will be to remember that you must go. I am not entirely positive on how to send you back as of yet, but you must. The world outside this one still needs you, they don’t know it yet but Steven Rogers you are missing.”

“What do you mean?” He whispered.

“Seeing as you aren’t bombarding me with questions you have watched my most recent episodes. The world outside of this very much still needs a Captain America, this...Utopia that your and my mind has created isn’t in need of Captain America. But the world beyond this still needs use as a hero. I am sorry to say you must leave this world and all return, return back to reality.”

“But how?” Steve whispered he knew he really didn’t want an answer. Despite his moral obligation, he never wanted to leave here.

“When I find that answer, I will tell you. For now, goodbye. Remember, you don’t belong here.” Vision turned around and began walking out. Steve stepped back inside and closed the door. Jackie had lost interest in Vision and went back to her corner of the living room. Steam gripped onto the door handle to keep himself from breaking down.

“Stevie! The baths ready, throw your clothes down the laundry shoot and join me!” Bucky called from the bathroom.

“Okay!” Steve replied quickly, he didn't’ trust his voice not to quiver, he didn’t even trust himself not to break down. “I’m going to give Jackie water first!” He yelled.

“Okay, I’m waiting!” Bucky chuckled as he said this, his laugh only made Steve’s heart clench. He closed his eyes trying to remind himself of his moral code as an Avenger, as Captain America. It shouldn’t have been this easy for him to fall in love with this siren type ways of this world. He sighed as he walked himself to the kitchen. Despite what he told himself there was only one thing he was certain of. He didn’t want to go. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve visits Bucky at work.

“Okay sweetheart, let's get you out. We’re going to visit Daddy.” Steve shut off the car engine and took out the car the key. He looked over to his side, Jackie didn’t bark but looked at Steve like she understood. Steve looked in front of him. They had parked in the visitor authorized parking space. Steve felt his chest his hand searching for something that wasn’t there.

“Jackie do you know where my key card is?” Steve patted himself down, he doubted the dog would know but it sounded better talking to the dog than himself. Jackie parked and pawed at the car compartment in front of her. Her paw hooked on the pull handle and she pressed it down. The compartment fell open. Various loose pieces of paper fell but namely, Steve’s military authorized key card.

“You’re a genius, I swear.” He picked up his key card and the other papers. He carefully placed the paper back into the compartment. He slipped the lanyard of the keycard on his neck. “I really don’t know what I’d do without you.” Steve chuckled. It had only been three weeks with this puppy and he could barely remember what it was like before having Jackie. “Is there anything that I’m forgetting?” Steve asked Jackie.

Jackie looked around the car, she pawed at the ejector on her seatbelt. Steve helped her out by clicking the seat belt button and releasing the strap around her front. She shifted on her hind legs and looked behind the seat. She barked at the picnic basket behind the passenger seat.

“Ah, I wasn’t going to forget but thanks for reminding me.” Steve unbuckled himself and reached over. He grabbed the picnic basket and set it down on his lap. “Ready?” He asked. Jackie barked her answer. Steve took it as a yes, opened his driver side door and stepped out. He squinted at the sun and put one hand on the door. Jackie slipped out of the car and stood next to him. Steve slammed the door shut and clicked the lock of the car. He pocketed the car keys and looked down at Jackie. For such a young puppy she was already on his upper thigh.

“Come on girl.” Steve snapped his finger and began walking towards the large building. Jackie followed, sticking close to him. A faint part of Steve acknowledged that he had never been to this building before, but his body felt like this was a normal occurrence.

They approached the front entrance, there was a guard with a large gun and a bulletproof vest on. His face was completely serious, his head turned checking Steve out. His face broke, and a small smile was visible.

“Captain Rogers! Hey, how was the holiday break?”

“Hey, Smith! It went pretty well, I have no doubt Bucky will be bragging about his ventures in no time.” Steve chuckled, he acted like it was the most natural occurrence. He felt like it was the most natural occurrence.

“He mentioned something this morning on the way inside.” Smith laughed his arms crossed. Steve stopped in front of the booth, he flashed his key card.

“Really? What did he say?” Steve wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to hear.

“Rather not repeat it in a professional setting, catch me during my break then maybe.” He smiled and jutted his head towards Jackie. “Got a new dog?”

“Yeah, a puppy. We named her Jackie.”

“That girls a puppy? Looks full grown already.”

“Oh yeah, if we didn’t know better than we would have thought the same. We were told she’s possibly part wolf.”

“Where did you get her?”

“She was a reject from a military dog training program. She was too smart,”

“Dogs don't very often get kicked out for being too smart.” Smith pointed out with an amused smile on. Steve rubbed the top of Jackie’s head.

“Well that’s not exactly why...she really didn’t like listening to authority, and she had a thing with dialing 911 at random times.” Smith chuckled, he finally pressed the button to open up the gate.

“Sounds like a certain duo I know, she must fit right into the family.”

“She definitely does, I’ll see you around Smith.” He waved and began walking forward. Smith waved to them as they walked away. Steve entered the building holding the door open for Jackie. She was surprisingly calm for a puppy in a new environment. “Stay close Jackie,” Steve said softly, he scratched behind her ear.

He was careful to walk through the areas where he figured the least amount of soldiers would be. He had no business intruding on the daily lives of the people in the base. He guided Jackie and himself outside again.

He hummed for a moment he wasn’t sure where he was supposed to go, or where Bucky would be in the first place. He looked at his watch, it was about time for Bucky’s lunch break. He took a deep breath and just let his instincts guide him to where he assumed Bucky would be.

He and Jackie followed various dirt paths until he could hear the synchronized stomping of feet. Steve peeked around the corner then took a quick step back.

“Come on Jackie let’s not get in their way.” He took a step closer to the forest line of the dirt path. Jackie barked and stood close to him. Rows of sweaty running men began to quickly pass in front of them.

“You’re one unit if one of you slow you all slow!” A familiar voice yelled. Bucky came rounding the corner, he was running next to an extremely tired soldier.

The soldier was dressed identically as the rest, in tan pants and a tan shirt. His face was a bright red, and there was sweat pouring from every pore. Bucky’s hand was resting on the man's back. The soldier was about the size of Bucky but seemed like he was completely reliant on his support.

A few soldiers up front looked backward. There was a drastic slow in pace. Steve was decently pleased to hear them remain in step as they slowed to just above a jog. Three soldiers took Bucky’s place behind the man. They had their hands in various places on his back and shouted chants of encouragement. Bucky smiled and fell back giving them room to properly form ranks around the man. Bucky turned his head to the left catching a glimpse of Steve and Jackie.

“Hey, it’s my two favorite peo-creatures.” Bucky smiled, he slowed to walk and came over to them. Steve smiled and took a step back into the dirt path as the flight of soldiers steadily moved farther away.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you all day.” Steve teased, Bucky put a hand on his waist and pecked his lips. Steve felt a warmth on his face and embraced Bucky in a quick hug. “Didn’t even break a sweat out there.”

“Yeah, only perk about whatever junk was shoved into me. That and being able to keep up with you.” Bucky felt a tugging at his leg. He looked down to see Jackie biting down on a part of his shorts. “I didn’t forget about you girl.” He rubbed the back of her head and under her chin.

“Smith tells me you’ve been talking about our erm...ventures?” Steve crossed his arms holding picnic basket tightly. He raised an eyebrow expecting some sort of guilty or apologetic look from Bucky.

“Oh yeah, I did huh? Well, you know.” He shrugged, he didn’t bother to come up with any sort of excuse. “Not my fault if I just have to talk about how cute your ass is.”

“Shh!” He put a finger to Bucky’s lips. “You are such a little...I don’t even know the word.” Bucky looked nothing but amused for himself. He kissed Bucky’s fingers giving him a mischievous wink. Steve blushed furiously and took his finger away. “We came to have lunch with you, are you on your break yet?”

“Yeah basically, if I’m not too hungry I usually keep on training them. But with you two here I suddenly have a strong urge to eat.” He looked down at the picnic basket that Steve held. “You cooked?” He asked skeptically.

“Me? Of course not, I would have ended up burning the house down. I assumed you’d be pretty upset. Sam recommended this grocery store that had these adorable pre-packaged meals. I picked up a couple of those, stuffed them in a basket and here we are.”

“That’s a relief.” Bucky chuckled, he took Steve’s available hand. “I know a great place to eat.” He began walking forward tugging Steve along. Steve intertwined their fingers a happy smile on his face. Bucky guided Steve and Jackie down the dirt path. Steve was surprised how far it actually went, especially when they got to a section with mainly wild plant life.

“Are you sure there is anything back here?” Steve asked more curious than skeptical.

“Don’t worry about it doll I know my way around this place.” He pecked Steve lightly on the lips and picked up the pace. Comforted by Bucky’s words and lips Steve followed the sketchy forest path. There was a large clearing of trees, Bucky guided them through.

On the other side was a small section of grass, it was completely surrounded by trees and it was dotted with small patches of flowers. Steve whistled and looked around.

“This looks like something out of a story. It’s perfect, how did you stumble across this gem?” Steve placed the picnic basket down and let go of Bucky’s hand.

“A lot of the time I’m not always entirely needed so I do a lot of walking around.” He watched Steve take out a checkered blanket. He bent down and took the other side of it helping Steve spread it out then placed it on the ground.

“No one tries to stop you?” Steve knelt down on the blanket and took out the foods. He placed a tuna and chicken salad sandwich, two water bottles, a can of wet dog food, a bowl of fruit and whipped cream on the ground.

“Who’s going to try and stop me? Believe it or not, I’m actually pretty intimidating if a person doesn’t know me.” He sat on the blanket close to Steve. Smelling the food, Jackie wandered over and sat patiently on the other side of Steve.

“You? Come on Bucky you're as intimidating as a stuffed bear.” He opened Jackie’s can of food first, he emptied it into a small plastic bowl and put it in front of her.

“To you maybe, those new recruits nearly wet themselves when I opened my mouth.” Bucky chuckled, Steve shrugged and opened the container holding the two sandwiches.

“New recruits are always jumpy.” Steve used a plastic knife to cut the sandwiches into triangles. He took out a mini bottle of sanitizer and shook it up.

“I doubt that you were ever jumpy.” Bucky obediently held his hand out, Steve squirted a drop into Bucky’s hand than his own.

“I was also lucky to just be there, so I didn’t exactly have time to be jittery.” He put the sandwiches between them. Bucky sniffed his hands and his nose curled.

“They were lucky to have you, babe.” Bucky rubbed his hands on his pants. “Tell me again why we have to rub this gunk on our hands?”

“Because Tony spent a full hour talking about hygiene, and I realized maybe I got sick so often because we didn’t really prioritize cleanliness. Now eat your sandwich.”

“I doubt that either of us could actually catch a cold but whatever you say doll.” He picked up the egg sandwich half and took a large bite. Steve picked up his chicken sandwich taking small bites at a time. Bucky glanced over at him and smiled.

“You’re so cute when you eat.” He opened up his water. Steve blushed and lowered the sandwich a bit.

“How can the way I eat be cute?”

“Small bites make it feel like more than it is, you used to say that remember?” Bucky wasn't nearly finished with his sandwich, Steve blushed lightly.

“Well, it was pretty solid ideology when we were eating a can of beans for dinner.”

“We would have had more if you didn’t give it all away.” He finished his first half and washed it down with a large gulp of water. He took the other half of Steve’s chicken sandwich. Steve shot him a look but said nothing.

“We survived, didn’t we? A couple days hungry didn’t affect us too much.” He finished his half and looked at Bucky with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah yeah, your heart is bottomless isn’t it?” Steve chuckled and punched Bucky’s arm lightly.

“It’s not bottomless, I hate a couple people.”

“Like who? Satan?” Bucky took finished off his second sandwich half and reached for the fruit. Steve’s hand stopped him.

“Fruit is for dessert wait for me to finish.” Steve took another bite of his sandwich for emphasis. “And Satan is misunderstood.” He teased, Bucky snorted and scooted closer to Steve. He rests his head on the side of Steve’s shoulder and wrapped his arm around his waist.

“Can I have you for dessert?” He mumbled, Steve rolled his eyes and wiped the side of his youth with a napkin.

“No, you are still working,” Steve said as professionally as he could. Bucky kissed the side of Steve’s neck.

“So?”

“And we’re in the middle of a forest.” Bucky nibbled a spot just below Steve’s ear, Steve’s whole body tingled.

“So? We’ve done worse.” Steve was now blushing a deep red, he could feel Bucky’s arm rubbing at his side.

“And we’re eating.”

“You’d look adorable covered in whipped cream.” Bucky continued kissing at Steve’s neck, Steve could already feel the coming of bruises. He bit back a whimper and turned his head the other way. His eyes landed on Jackie who paid them no mind.

“We’re not doing anything in front of Jackie, she’s just a puppy.”

“Hm, guess you’re right.” He stopped kissing Steve’s neck and just let his head rest on Steve’s shoulder.

“Is your sexual drive insatiable or something?” A red-faced Steve took his final bite and put his dirty napkin in the container.

“Yeah, it probably has something to do with my serum, surprised the same thing didn’t happen to you.”

“I think you’re confusing personality with you being weird.” Steve put the empty sandwich container in the picnic basket along with the empty dog food container.

“It’s a possibility, but you never seem to care.” Steve ignored his comment and opened up the fruit container. He took out two forks and uncapped the whipped cream.

“Speaking of work-”

“We weren’t speaking of work,” Bucky said mischievously. Steve poked his lips and continued on.

“ _Speaking_  of work, why were you running with the new recruits. I thought you only did firearms.” He stabbed a piece of fruit and sprayed it with whipped cream. He brought the piece of fruit just in front of Bucky’s mouth.

“They were doing some inspections of the weapon, so my course is running a little late.” Bucky took the piece of fruit in his mouth, he licked off the extra whipped cream at the corners of his mouth.

“Huh, well you were doing a good job. Moving as a unit is important.” The next whipped cream covered fruit was for himself.

“I learned from the best, Captain of teamwork himself Steve Rogers.”

“Captain America is more of a captain of teamwork, Steve Rogers is a captain of trying too hard and getting himself in trouble.” He hovered another piece of fruit in front of Bucky.

“Hm, well I love ‘em both so I don’t care who captains both.” He bit into the piece of fruit not licking away the whipped cream this time.

“I make myself sound crazy when I refer to Captain America and Steve as different people.”

“Well, they kind of are, aren’t they? I mean Captain America is a symbol, and you’re a person.”

“I’m a mess without the suit.” Steve laughed, he opted to mostly feed Bucky the fruit.

“You’re a mess in the suit. Pulling helicopters with your bare hands, who gave you the right.” Bucky scolded playfully.

“It was a kind of spur of the moment thing. And  _technically_  I wasn’t in the suit.” Steve chuckled.

“You wanted me that bad huh?” Bucky took his head off of Steve’s shoulders and winked at him.

“As a person yes, maybe I could have let your attitude go.” He put a whipped piece of watermelon in front of Bucky’s mouth.

“You don’t mean that you love my attitude the most.”

“Well yes...but...yes.” Steve blushed, Bucky triumphantly took the piece of watermelon in his mouth and slid it off of the fork. He ducked his head closer to Steve’s and brought the other half of it closer to Steve’s mouth. Steve opened his mouth and bit into the available half of the watermelon kissing Bucky in the process.

Steve pulled away and licked the cream off of his lips. Bucky watched almost hungrily and did the same.

“You’re a tease you know that?” Steve laughed at that, he wiped the rest off with a clean napkin.

“By eating?”

“By breathing.” Bucky stole a quick kiss catching Steve by surprise.

“Ever thought maybe you’re the problem?”

“Oh I know I am, doesn’t make it any less difficult.”

“You are such a child sometimes I swear,” Steve leaned over and connected his lips with Buckys. Bucky moved his hand from Steve’s side to the cup his cheek. Steve kept the kiss short but extremely sweet.

“You taste like whipped cream.” Bucky murmured near his mouth.

“Gee I wonder why.”

“Sassy today aren’t you?”

“Just a bit.” Steve moved away and packed the empty fruit container into the picnic basket. “Now you have work.”

“Do I?” Bucky raised both his eyebrows.

“Yes. You do, Jackie and I will see you back home okay?” Jackie had long finished her food and was rolling on her back in the grass. Steve put away her bowl and got off the blanket.

“That’s like hours away,” Bucky whined, he rolled off of the blanket dramatically and laid on his back in the grass. Jackie pranced over to him and licked her face. “Gross dog food breath.” Bucky scratched her behind the ear regardless.

“You’ll make it I promise.” Steve rolled up the blanket and tucked it into his basket.

“You don’t know that,” Bucky grumbled playfully, he sat back up.

“I do, actually. Bye, be yourself.” He pecked Bucky's lips and quickly stepped back before Bucky tried to lengthen it.

“Dang I was planning on trying to be Logan today.” Bucky stood up and waved. “See you two later.” Steve waved one more time and snapped his fingers.

“Come on Jackie we’re going home.” Jackie stood up and pranced to Steve’s side.

“She still doesn’t do that to me!” Bucky called as they walked away.

“Give her time!” Steve said in return, he weaved back through the trees and followed the dirt path back.

Steve took his time walking back to his car, by the time he and Jackie had made it outside of the facility a different guard was on duty. Steve waved politely regardless and flashed him his keycard. The guard nodded to him and let the two of them by.

As Steve got closer to his car he frowned, a figure in a sweater vest stood rigidly right in front of his vehicle.

“Uh, Vision?” Steve called out when he got closer. Vision blinked and nodded in recognition of his name.

“Yes, Steven I was afraid that I had caught you at the wrong time. I am happy to see you here.”

“Well, I am too but why are you here?” He had a rocky feeling in his stomach, he stood a few feet away from Vision and tried not to look as nervous as he felt.

“I just wanted to inform you that I figured a means of your exit from this realm.” Steve felt a strong tightening in his chest. Visions words were like a slap in his face. “Have you almost forgotten. You do not belong here Steve Rogers and it is imperative that you return.”

“No...” Steve said without thinking, he cleared his throat. “No, I didn’t forget. When...do I have to go back?”

“Well because I am not completely daft, Friday.”

“That’s a day away!” Steve said with more emotion then he wanted to show.

“I know, enough time to spend one more day with your imaginary family and friends. But not too much time so you do not back out. I will see you then Steven Rogers, thank you for your cooperation.” Vision did an almost bow and began walking away from him. Steve’s shoulders slouched and he dropped his picnic basket. He felt like there was a hole eating away at his insides. He looked down at Jackie water distorting his vision.

“You’re not imaginary right girl?” Jackie barked in response and nuzzled her nose against his pant leg. Steve took several deep breaths trying to calm himself. “Let’s go.”


	9. Chapter 9

“I miss her already,” Steve sighed, he looked at himself in the mirror and fiddled with his bow tie. Bucky chuckled from behind him, he wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist and rested his chin on Steve’s shoulder.

“She just left, we’ve been with us none stop for weeks. You don’t even leave her in the house alone.”

“What if she misses us? She’s just a puppy.”

“Don’t worry about it Steve, she’s much more independent than any dog I’ve ever known. Besides she likes Tony, they share that mentally flipping you off thing.” Bucky kissed the side of Steve’s cheek firmly and unwrapped his waist.

“She doesn’t mentally flip me off,” Steve mumbled, he flattened his hair and turned back around. He was just wearing a button up and a bow tie.

“Yeah, it’s not you that she’s flipping off,” Bucky grumbled, he buttoned his cuffs and slipped his hands into his pocket. “What’s with the bow tie?” Steve touched his hand to it and shrugged, he knew that this world's Steve had been given it by Bucky.

“Just wanted to spice it up.”

“Well hope you don’t feel overdressed, we’re not going anywhere fancy.” Steve smiled and walked over to Bucky, who was wearing just a simple navy blue button up.

“I’m not sure how fancy a blue bow tie with white stars can be.”

“Well, Stevie you have a way of making everything you wear fancy.” Bucky put an arm around Steve’s shoulder and guided him out of the room. “And when I say everything, I mean  _everything_ ,” Bucky whispered into his ear. Steve shivered and suppressed the urge to hide his face.

“I do  _not_ know what you mean.” He avoided looking towards Bucky.

“Hm, you knew what I meant last night.” He grabbed their jackets off of the coat hook. Bucky brought his arm away from Steve’s waist and held up the jacket for him.

“You find some sort of pleasure in reminding me of everything I do during the night.” Steve slipped his arms into the holes and took the ends from Bucky to button up himself.

“It’s just adorable to me, how in the heat of it all you’d do anything. But then whenever I talk about it, you make it sound sinful.” Bucky zipped up his own jacket and grabbed the keys off the hook.

“It’s just embarrassing,” Steve mumbled, he shut off the lights in the house.

“I know you think it is, but I think it’s adorable. I can’t wait until the day we have phone sex.” Bucky opened the door, speaking casually. Steve walked out into the brisk cold, to avoid looking at Bucky. He bit his lip, suppressing the emotions that had been threatening to spill over since meeting Vision.

“But if we do that, it means we’ll have to be separated.”

“Huh.” Bucky closed and locked the door, he pretended to think then shrugged. “You’re right if one of us goes away then phone sex is a must.”

“That’s so dirty Bucky, someone would hear us.” Steve went to the passenger side of the car. There was a click and it unlocked, allowing him to open the door up.

“One of us will probably be in safety of our home.” Bucky ducked his head in first before his body followed into the car. “And you have to admit the thought of people hearing is a little hot.” Bucky closed his door and started the car.

Steve buckled in and rolled down the window to keep his face cool. “I can totally admit that it wouldn't be hot.”

Bucky buckled in before moving the car into gear and pulling out of the driveway. “You mean the idea of you whispering dirty things into the phone only meant for me to hear doesn’t turn you on in the slightest? Not even the fact that if you speak too loudly, or moan too loudly they’ll hear you?”

Steve’s face was red hot, he could feel the heat in every part of his body. He cursed Bucky, he wouldn’t let his words ruin how nice his outfit look. “We’re not having sex before we get to the restaurant,” Steve said firmly.

Bucky chuckled and sped up the car a bit. “Ah, you caught me. I had it all planned out too. I’d reach over...” One of Bucky’s hand sneaked over to Steve’s side of the car. “Then I’d feel you a bit, park the car over, tease you some more. Then I’d tell you that if you were too loud strangers could hear.” Bucky’s hand tried to rest on Steve’s thigh but Steve pushed it away.

“No, I like this outfit and you will not ruin it with your fluids.” Steve crossed his arms and looked towards the window, letting the cool breeze distract him from his hot thoughts. He wanted to relish how wanted he felt, relish it before it was gone again.

“I’ll keep them to myself,” Bucky chuckled, he brought his hand back to the steering wheel and looked ahead. He still had a devious smile on his face.

“I know you Bucky, and you never keep them to yourself. You can’t even sneeze without properly blowing.” Steve cringed at the thought of Bucky’s last big sneeze.

“Ah, you’re dramatic.” Bucky rubbed his nose, Steve gave him a look knowing he was trying to put him on edge. Bucky met his look and winked, making Steve blush.

“Stop being cute when you’re trying to seduce me.”

“Sorry, it’s the only tactic that works. It’s not my fault that you look so good all the time.”

Steve couldn’t help but smile, he was a sucker for a compliment. “Your sex drive is too high, you should really look into that.”

“I think it comes with years of attraction suppression that comes with living in the forties.”

“Oh, you didn’t suppress your attraction.” Steve blushed and looked at him almost shyly. “We did stuff...you were my first everything...” He murmured, he didn’t understand where his anxiety was coming from. He had never talked about this aloud before, but this universe Bucky seemed more than happy to be around him.

“You remember that?” Bucky smiled dreamily, his hand tightened on the wheel. “That’s a dumb question, there’s no reason why you wouldn’t.”

“We’ve never talked about it...”

“Yeah...I have no idea why. It was amazing, I just wished you were my first.”

“I don’t mind, I never did.” Steve bit his lip, he clasped his hands together. Bucky stopped in front of a restaurant and pulled into the parking lot. “I just felt like I could never talk about it...because we never talked about it after. We never even really talked during it. I felt...I don’t know...”

“Blame me for that entirely,” Bucky said, he unbuckled so that he could look completely at Steve. There was a serious look in his eye. “I wasn’t at all comfortable with my sexuality, I just knew I loved you, and you were the most beautiful person I knew.” Bucky paused catching his wording. “You are the most beautiful person I know.” Bucky reached across to him and took his hand.

Steve almost didn’t meet his eye, there was an intensity that made his heart swell. There was too much love for him not to feel like tearing up. “Bucky...”

“No, I took advantage of you. It was shitty and I knew you loved me too. So I knew you wouldn’t care if I didn’t say anything. But I should have, and I wanted to. I wanted to tell you how your eyes shone, or how beautiful you looked, how pink your lips were. “

“Really? I figured you thought I was gross...I was so skinny, you could see my ribs, and I was just generally ugly.” He didn’t think he looked much better, but the serum was on his side.

“No! You were perfect then, and you are perfect now. I just thought if I said it out loud, told you how sexy you where that would make me a queer.”

“You are a queer.” Steve poked his nose, trying to lighten the moment a little more.

“I know I am.” He smiled and kissed Steve’s cheek. “A queer that thinks you’re the sexiest thing on the face of this Earth. And you can just try and stop me from telling you that every time that we’re together.”

“Even during intercourse?”

Bucky smiled and squeezed his hand. “Especially during intercourse. Now, I want to eat some food so I have the energy to love you later tonight.” Bucky kissed Steve’s hand and let it go. Steve wasn’t sure if love was a euphemism for sex, or if Bucky really just meant cuddling. Either way, he felt a warmth in his chest, that he doubted would leave anytime that night.

They both left the car, Bucky locked it and smiled over at Steve. “Recognize this place?”

Steve looked around the building and tried peeking inside. “I might...”

“Fine, come inside you’ll recognize it soon.” Bucky came over to Steve’s side and held his hand tightly. They walked into the restaurant together. Steve took a good look down, the familiar smell reminded him of one of his flashbacks. A small gasp escaped him and he looked at Bucky.

“I know this place,” He hummed a smile spreading across his face.

“Yup, Bradley’s Place. Last time we were here we kind of had a shitty go at things, so I am determined to make it better.” Bucky kissed Steve’s cheek and smiled at him. “I swear you're an addiction.” He led Steve to a booth near the back of the room. To Steve’s relief, it was mostly empty inside, he felt like Bucky and he were allowed to be in their own private bubble.

“I will eventually destroy your life?” Steve teased, earning a scoff from Bucky.

“No, I can’t get enough of you.” He unzipped his jacket and threw it on the back of his seat. Steve did the same and adjusted his bowtie.

“You’re so cheesy, I love it.” He picked up a menu that covered the bottom half of his mouth. Bucky looked proud of himself and picked up his own menu.

“If I knew pick up lines worked on you, I would have started using them a long time ago. I have an entire arsenal in my pocket.” Steve wanted to ask Bucky to tell him all of them now. He wanted to hear every corny, cheesy, loving thing that Bucky had to say now before it was too late. Before he was taken back again.

“Feel free to lay them on me.”

“Nah, I’ll save them for later. Don’t want to overwhelm you, at least not now.” He chuckled, Steve chuckled with him trying to ignore the small ache.

“We should do something new, why don’t we order for each other?” Bucky raised an eyebrow and nodded.

“Doesn’t sound like a terrible idea,” It was Steve’s turn to raise his eyebrow. “Not that you have terrible ideas!” Bucky said defensively, smiling to set Steve at ease. Steve hummed suspiciously and raised his menu, he hoped Bucky knew he wasn’t really angry.

They both spent the next five minutes in comfortable silence as they ordered for the other. Steve decided to keep Bucky’s simple. He wrote down his order and watched Bucky order his.

“Finished?” He asked, he put the order face down and waited for a waitress to come.

“Yup barely had to sweat.”

“Barely?”

“Well, I had to decide whether or not to add a specific condiment.”

“Gee, big decisions.” Steve nudged his foot under the table. He leaned a bit closer, admiring his view of Bucky.

“I know, I should be gearing up to be the head of Avengers soon.”

“There wouldn’t exactly be much to do, but be my guest.”

“That’s such a weird thought isn’t?” Bucky put down his menu. He smiled politely as an aloof waitress picked up their orders without sparing them a second look. Steve almost said hello but she was gone before he could speak.

Steve watched the waitress go and shook his head a bit. “What’s weird?” He looked back at Bucky, the waitress barely a blip in his mind compared to his boyfriend.

“How you’re Captain America, and I’m me. Yet we're doing mundane things. We have a dog, we bought a house, we both go to work, we’re eating out like regular people.”

“Is any of that bad?”

“Of course it isn’t! In fact, it’s amazing. I’m ready to just get a beer belly and set up neighborhood barbecues. You can be brownie mom, but you buy all the goodies at a grocery store.”

“I’ll get it from a bakery so it at least tastes freshly made.”

“I’ll buy the hamburgers in bulk because little kids won’t give a shit.”

“We’ll have to invite all the Avengers and their kids,” Steve added, knowing that a few of his friends were expecting children or even adopting.

“We’ll have to get a pool, and another dog.”

“Maybe this one will be a little more cuddly, so the kids can have someone to hug and love.”

“Oh, so you’re finally admitting Jackie isn’t cuddly?”

“She’s cuddly in her own respect, but...she just doesn’t like cuddles,” Steve said reluctantly.

“Thank you! But...the only thing we’re missing in this plan is kids.” Bucky said casually, Steve’s eyes widened but he cooled his emotions.

“Yeah, but it’s okay if you don’t want any.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and reached across the table for Steve’s hand. “No, it’s not.” He intertwined their fingers. “You’re future wouldn’t be the future you want if you didn’t have kids.”

“Maybe...but if you don’t want kids that’s totally fine. Or if you don't feel like you’ll be ready for them...” Steve felt like the conversation was surreal. It didn’t matter if they agreed or disagreed about having children. He’d never be there to actually have any with this Bucky, and the real Bucky barely wanted to speak with him.

“I’ll admit, I’m not ready for them right now. I’m still afraid of my own strength, and I don’t know how my PTSD would affect my interactions with younger people.”

“I don’t know how it would affect my interactions either...” Steve realized he had never been around many children, in the forties or in this time period. Children have just always been a part of his life plan. It was barely a second thought.

“Why don’t we bring this up to our therapist, and then we can all work towards it,” Bucky suggested, he was smiling but Steve could see the traces of nerves making his lip quiver.

“Don’t rush yourself.” Steve squeezed Bucky’s hand and leaned closer. “It takes awhile to build an inground pool, we have until then.” He teased, it made Bucky smile and eased both their nerves.

“Ah, you’re right. But I also have to practice being a master griller.”

“Maybe I’ll learn how to make brownies.”

“Just brownies?” Bucky asked in amusement.

Steve chuckled, “Bucky I’d be lucky to learn even that much.” The same waitress approached them with a tray of identical plates.

“Hello, my name is Veronica you can call me V. Sorry about earlier, I had a big family crisis.” Her smile looked strained and she looked tense.

“Hey don’t worry about it, everyone has tough days,” Steve said soothingly, he made sure to give her a comforting smile. She looked relieved and set the trays down.

“So I’ve got two large classic hamburgers, with a side of order of fries and onions rings, two cups of ketchup, two cokes in glass bottles, and a pickle on the side of each.” She set down the orders and put the onion rings in the middle.

“I don’t remember ordering Onion Rings.” Bucky murmured he looked to Steve who just shrugged.

“Oh, that’s compliments from the chef.” She said sweetly, she held her notebook under her arm. “Can I get you two anything else?”

Steve and Bucky both shook their heads. “Nope, this is perfect,” Steve said politely. She nodded and walked away. Steve waited until she was gone to fully look over his food. “Our orders are identical, what does that say about us as a couple?”

“It means we’re madly in love, and were born in the same generation. And our orders aren’t exactly the same, open the bun up.”

Steve raised his eyebrow but slowly raised his crisp bun off of the hamburger. Steve felt the air get caught in his throat, he was positive he couldn’t breathe. He took his intertwined hand away and both hands clasped over his mouth.

“Oh, oh my God Bucky. You didn’t you...” He covered his eyes and took a deep breath. He heard shuffling and when he uncovered his face Bucky had knelt next to his booth, the plate of food in his hands.

The hamburger bun was on the table, and in the middle of the hamburger was a simple silver ring. It had several small gems embedded in it and a slightly larger one in the center of it. It didn’t protrude from the top, so from a distance, it just seemed like a band.

“Steven Grant Rogers, I know our lives have been fucking crazy. And for a while I thought even thinking about a moment like this, was something out of a fairytale. But I want this, more than anything ever. I’ve always wanted this, all the way back to when we were kids. Just me and you, together forever, ‘till the end of the line. Calling you my husband would just be a perk. So...will you make me the happiest queer in the world and marry me?”

Steve could already feel fat tears streak from his face. He felt like his entire body was decomposing, and his heart hurt so badly. But he couldn’t ignore the overbearing feeling of joy he felt. It was stupid to say yes, he knew that, he understood that. It’d make it nearly impossible to leave Bucky, but he had no intentions of saying no.

“Yes! Oh God yes, I want to be with you forever. I’ll marry you!” There was a small eruption of cheers. Steve only just noticed the few people still in the restaurant watching them. Even Veronica, a woman they had just met seemed happy for them.

“Oh, thank God!” Bucky put down the plate and picked up the ring. Steve gave Bucky his shaking hand. “Don’t worry,” Bucky whispered, Steve wasn’t sure whos nerves he was trying to ease.

Bucky took Steve’s shaking hand and slipped on the ring. It fit perfectly on his ring finger, a new flood of tears began flowing free on Steve’s face. “I didn’t think you’d cry this much,” Bucky said with a shaky chuckle, he sounded moments away from tears himself. He stood up and engulfed Steve in his arms. Steve sniffled and hugged him back just as tightly.

“I love you so much, I’ve never loved anyone as much as you. I wish we could be together forever.” Steve whispered Bucky pat his back slowly.

“We will be together forever, no wishing needed. I love you too, now I can love you forever.” He leaned down and pressed his lips with Steve’s. They both closed their eyes and there was another uproar of cheers. Much louder this time around.

The kiss was filled with nothing but raw love and emotion. Steve knew Bucky could feel his need, his want, his desires to be with him forever. Steve had gotten tears on both of their faces but it hadn’t stopped Bucky from going in for two more kisses.

“Let’s go home,” Steve whispered, he needed to just be with Bucky. He appreciated the people around him, but he needed to spend the rest of his time in this universe with his fiancee.

“Right now? But the food...”

“I need you, I need you right now,” Steve said again, he pressed his hand against Bucky’s chest gripping onto his shirt. Bucky’s eyes widened, and they began to reciprocate Steve’s need.

“Oh, oh I’ll get doggy bags. If I knew I could get you like this, I would have proposed weeks ago.” Steve blushed but felt no remorse.

“I want to be with you as your fiance,” Steve said and kissed the side of his cheek. Bucky groaned like Steve’s words had caused him physical pain.

“Let’s consummate the engagement.” He cleared his throat. “Can we get this boxed up please, we have very important places to go!” Usually, Steve would have given Bucky an earful for politeness but all he could do was suppress his giggle. The wave of excitement that came with the engagement, drowned out his immediate fears of separation.

“I’m on it!” Veronica said from the other side of the restaurant. Steve watched her disappear into the kitchen.

“Permission to pick you up bridal style?” Bucky asked he had already slipped his arm behind Steve’s back.

“Doesn’t seem like I have much of a choice but, yes!” Bucky smiled wide and picked him up, keeping Steve’s body close to his.

“Fuck, I love you so much.” Bucky leaned down for another kiss.

“I love you too much,” Steve replied, he touched the side of Bucky's face.

“Be with me forever?”

“I’ve already agreed to that, but I’ll say it again. Yes.”

“Hm, my new favorite word.” With that, Bucky leaned down and connected their lips again. The sounds around them drowned out and Steve could only think about one thing continuously. He was so in love. 


	10. Chapter 10

“Why do you want such a fancy dinner today Stevie?” Bucky asked he looked over his shoulder. Steve shrugged as casually as he could. His head turned slightly to the left, looking at the Christmas Tree still up. He hated that he didn’t even get to spend Christmas with his Bucky.

“I just feel like it’s close to dinner, and we’ve been out and about. I just want a nice dinner with just the two of us.” There was a barking and Steve looked down. Jackie was looking up at him expectantly. Steve smiled and rubbed the top of her head without leaning down. “Well, you and me and Jackie.”

“You can never forget our little drama queen.” Bucky rolled his eyes and grabbed his apron from a hook next to the stove. The sight brought a smile to Steve’s face. It read, ‘Don’t kiss me, I already kiss a Captain’.

“That apron is still inaccurate.” Steve pointed out, he stood up from his chair trying to catch a peak of what Bucky was making.

Bucky looked down at his apron and shrugged, he tied it tighter around his waist. “It’s factual enough for me.”

“I wasn’t even a Captain you know, I was a Sargent.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and picked up a mixing spoon and open a lid to one of the pots. “I know, you tell me all the time. I don’t care if you weren’t a Sargent or not, you’re a Captain to everyone else.”

“Well everyone else is wrong.” Steve, walked over to him. Bucky put a spoon to his chest and pushed him back lightly.

“Not so fast Stevie, even your presence in the kitchen is enough to burn something randomly.

Steve feigned a small pout. “You could at least tell me what you’re cooking.”

“Well, this is some sticky rice for the steak tip shish kabobs that I’m making.” Bucky stirred the contents of the inside a bit and closed the lid again.

“What are shish kabobs again?” Steve asked, he went back to the table and leaned against it again.

“It’s just meat and vegetables on a stick, your favorite.”

Steve cocked his head, not following. “I don’t think I’ve had a shish kabob before.”

“No, you enjoy meat and hard sticks.” Bucky turned around with a mischievous look in his eyes.

Steve blushed slightly, but remained unimpressed. “That was stretch even for you.”

Bucky frowned and huffed softly under his breath. “Go play with the dog, you are not allowed to comment on my inappropriate jokes. Now shoo.”

Steve laughed and unconsciously rubbed the ring on his finger. “It’s your own fault you’ve conditioned me to expect a higher standard, than subpar inappropriate jokes.”

Bucky scoffed dramatically loud. “Subpar? Wow, well if you think those were higher standard comments prepare to have your face red constantly.”

“Oh, you were going easy on me?”

“Yeah, well not anymore. Prepare yourself, Stevie.” Bucky winked ominously and bent down to open up the oven. Steve rolled his eyes and looked at his engagement ring. He sat down on the floor next to Jackie. She laid down and rested her large head on Steve’s thigh.

Steve rubbed the top of her head, scratching at a specific spot near the back of her ear. He glanced at his ring again and took it off. He loved looking at the stone and remembering the moment. Something dark caught his eye on the inside of the ring. He raised the ring higher so that it met his eyes. A gasp got caught in his throat and his heart began racing faster.

“Til’ the end of the line?” Steve read, he looked to Bucky silently asking for an explanation.

Bucky looked over his shoulder then looked back at the stove. He made a small sound of realization and looked fully at Steve. “Oh, you finally found it. I almost forgot I even put it there.”

“Forgot! Bucky you had a ring inscribed for me, how could you forget that?”

“Well if you were in my spot it’d be pretty easy. You looked so happy, I was so nervous, you were so damn attractive that night. It was easy to forget about it. Do you like it?”

“Of course I do Buck, it’s perfect.” He slipped the ring back on, he felt a heavier feeling in his chest. He didn’t know where he’d find the moral strength to leave this mental utopia.

“I’m glad, wouldn’t want my special guy doubting my ring picking talents.” Bucky grabbed an oven mitt and took shish kabobs out of the oven.

“I just wish I could get you one.”

“What do you mean?” Bucky looked back at him tongs in his hands.

Steve’s eyes widened, realizing what he had said aloud. “I just mean that you’re not much of a ring guy. And you work too much with your hands,”

“And an artist doesn’t?” Bucky turned back around and continued flipping the shish kabobs.

“I mean I do, but you’d take your ring off to do push ups then forget which pocket you put it in,” Steve said quickly, he didn’t actually mind. If he had the time he wanted to get Bucky a ring as well. “And I’m not an artist.”

Bucky laughed his head tipping back a bit. He wiped his eye then put the shish kabobs back in the oven. “You’re not wrong about that, I’m really not made for rings. But I love that you know me well enough to say that.” He turned the stove and moved the pot off the burner. “And you are one hundred percent an artist, I don’t understand why you don’t think you are.”

“I don’t know...” He trailed off, thinking of all the opportunities he wouldn’t have back in his other world. “Real artists sell their works and have galleries. I just occasionally teach at Xavier's orphanage and draw pictures of Jackie.”

“Then we’ll throw you a gallery. We’ll invite all of those aristocrats and pish poshers, and they’ll eat up all your paintings.” Bucky walked over to Steve and put an arm around his waist, he rested his chin on Steve’s shoulder.

“I don’t even use paints that often.” Steve mumbled, “I’d have to do a lot more practice before even imagining people buying my works. And my art would not just be for articorats and pish poshers.” Steve smiled at Bucky’s weird words. “It’d be for anyone who would want something interesting in their home.”

“Of course you would baby, I’m just busting your bum.” Bucky lightly patted Steve’s butt, making Steve bite his lip.

“Isn’t the term balls?”

“Not if I want to keep your balls intact. Your bum on the other hand...” He trailed off as the oven’s timer began beeping. “Foods ready, set the table, Cap.” Bucky took his hand off Steve’s waist and walked back over to the oven.

Steve fanned his face to cool it down and walked to the cabinet. He hated that he wouldn’t be able to leave this Bucky with anything. Even if he would just disappear as soon as Steve left. He grabbed two plates, two napkins, two forks and two cups, and brought them back to the table.

As he set up he began wondering things he could do. Something meaningful he could do with his last night with Bucky, and even Jackie. He doubted he’d be able to ever find a wolf dog like her.

There was a bark from below, Steve looked down and smiled at Jackie. “It’s your dinner time too huh?” Steve went grabbed Jackie’s bowl from the top of the fridge and brought it down to the ground. “Bucky I’m going to open up a can of the nice stuff!” He called out, already grabbing a can of wet dog food.

He used the easy open tab and pulled back the metal cover. “I know you’re already doing it, so I’ll just give my approval,” Bucky called back. Steve smiled to himself as he poured the contents of the can into the bowl. He knew that he’d probably give her part of the leftover shish kebob as a thank you gift.

He dusted any remnant dog food off his hand and stepped back, making room for Jackie. She barked and pranced forward, she had to sit down to reach her food bowl. She was already too tall to stand and eat. “Need to buy some sort of stand later” Steve mumbled.

He walked back to the kitchen table, Bucky was already sitting down with two bowls of food in the middle. One filled with steaming shish kabobs, the other filled with white sticky rice.

“That looks amazing Bucky.” Steve sat on the chair next to Bucky instead of the one across from him that he usually sat at. He stared at the bowl for a bit silently, wondering if he’d ever had these moment with the other Bucky when he returned.

“Thanks, Tony sent me a recipe. Or more accurately FRIDAY did.” Bucky chuckled, but Steve didn’t reply. Still looking at the bowls of food. “Stevie?” There was still no reply. “Hey? Hey!” Bucky said repeatedly.

Steve blinked his eyes rapidly and looked at Bucky. “ Hm, what did you say?”

“I was just saying that T- Ah nevermind, you’ve been distracted tonight. Anything the matter?” Bucky put three shish kabobs on his plate and loaded up on sticky rice.

“It’s nothing,” Steve said unconvincingly, he had evidently left his ability to pretend to be okay in the other universe. He grabbed the bowl of shish kabobs and put four sticks on, only putting a medium-sized portion of rice.

“Was it the kids again? I know they are young but they have mutations so therefore I am not afraid of kicking those kids asses. They’re bothering you again huh?”

Steve almost said now, but he needed some sort of alibi. “Yeah, but I’ll be fine. I just need to figure out a way to make them like me.”

“I already told you, either charm them and bribe them. Or just make them scared shitless.”

“You know I can’t do any of that, I want them to respect me. Not just fear me, or expect candy from me.” Even though he knew this scenario was fake, the portion of him that was still immersed in the fake reality played right along.

“Way too honorable Stevie.” He took a stick and began eating.

“I think if they didn’t respect me, it’d just create an even bigger monster.” He began eating as well, the anxious feeling in his stomach just continued growing.

“Eh, you’re probably right. Somehow over the years, your people skills became better than mine.”

“Not true, I can just rally people under a common cause. You make friends easier.”

“Eh, you can make friends too. You just choose not to form bonds stronger than vague acquaintanceship.”

“I’m good friends with all the Avengers.”

“Yeah, but after saving the world together it’s kind of a given.” Bucky took a large gulp of water. Steve sat on it for a bit then gasped.

“That it! That’s how I’ll get the kids to like me, ally them under a common goal.”

“Which is?”

“Making an orphan feel okay for at least a little while. Maybe I’ll even add in parts about even as Captain America I didn’t always feel like I fit in. And art made that better.”

“That’s pretty smart. But if it’s true then I’m afraid I’ll have to give you a firm hug and a very prolonged kiss.”

Steve had his mouth open for a moment, wondering how to answer the question properly. “It wasn’t as bad when I joined the Howling Commandos...” He said slowly.

Bucky put down his fork and rolled up his shirt sleeve. “We’ll talk more about that later young man, but for now...” He leaned over and wrapped his arms tightly around Steve’s waist. He pressed a full-lipped kiss on the side of Steve's face.

“You can stop now,” Steve mumbled, Bucky determinedly kept it on. Steve cracked a small smile and pushed lightly at his shoulder. “I promise I’m okay.” Bucky made smooching sounds as he kissed Steve longer, he even moved them both side to side. Steve broke out into laughter and pushed at his shoulder more. “Fine fine I love you, and we’ll talk about it later.”

Bucky finally lets Steve go, his lips retracted from Steve’s face. “Great! I love you too.” Bucky went right back to eating his meal. Steve rolled his eyes but ate his as well, taking as many sneak peeks at Bucky as he could. Trying to remember him just as he was.

After dinner, the nightly routine went smoothly. Steve washed the dishes and cleaned up around the house. And they sat at the couch to watch whatever new show Bucky had heard about. Jackie watched with them for a bit until she grew bored and left to her own corner of the house. Steve hoped that he’d at least remember their little nightly routine in his dreams.

After the second paint commercial that they saw an idea blossomed in Steve’s mind. He looked at Bucky and knew how he would make their last night special. He bit his bottom lip. “Hey, Buck?”

“Yeah?’ Bucky answered, not looking towards him.

“Can I paint you? Naked?”

Bucky turned to face him his face asking a million questions. He looked into Steve’s eye and bit his tongue. “Uh, sure? Where do you want to do it?”

“The bedroom.” He didn’t care how messy or paint filled their sheets would get. This would be his last night, his last night with the Bucky he wished he had.

“You sure? I mean-”

“Yeah I’m sure, I’ll be doing your back so don’t worry about...you know...” he gestured to Bucky’s crotch.

Bucky laughed breathily and stood up. “Thanks for being so considerate, should I wait on the bed?” He pressed a kiss to the side of Steve’s forehead.

“Yeah, I’ll get my paints.” Steve stood up and went to his art supply area. He grabbed all the colors he could and three of his favorite brushed. He had no idea what he was going to paint, he didn’t even know if his paints where skin friendly. He shrugged all his doubts off and stood up. Balancing mini paint containers in his arms all the way to the bedroom.

True to his word Bucky was lying down naked on the bed, his back to Steve. Steve blushed at the sight of Bucky’s butt. He mentally reminded himself to be professional and set up an area to put down all his paints.

“This all seems so ominous, you sure you’re okay Stevie?” Bucky tilted his head so he could see Steve out of the corner of his eye.

“I’m fine,” Steve whispered, they both felt it was untrue but neither said anything. Steve grabbed his brushed and climbed on the bed, he dipped his brush fully in blue and stared at Bucky’s back.

It was checkered with different scars and various knicks. Even as Bucky moved slightly, Steve could see thick cords of muscle move with him. Steve ran his hand down Bucky back slowly, biting the corner of his lip. He put the brush close to the back of Bucky’s skin. It hovered over his back, Steve’s hand shook.

“It’ll be okay,” Bucky whispered. Steve doubted Bucky even began to understand what was wrong with him but his words were comfort nonetheless. Steve pressed the brush fully to Bucky’s back and began making long straight strokes.

As he picked up the momentum he began adding more colors, swirling them together in various parts of Bucky’s back. He had an idea what he was making, but he just followed the pattern of Bucky’s back.

He outlined Bucky’s shoulder blades in green, he followed the pattern of Bucky’s muscles in blue and yellow, he accentuated Bucky’s scars in every color of the rainbow. And the line of Bucky’s spine was detailed like it was the only thing holding the story of Bucky’s back together.

As he painted longer, tears began to drip from his face. He felt like he was holding his breath, each stroke of the brush was a moment with Bucky lost. Bucky’s back soon developed into a mass of colors and shapes, and lines that made sense to no one but Steve. And maybe Bucky. He knelt there staring at Bucky’s back, wondering if this was the same back that was turned to him in the other universe.

The more he looked and followed the direction of his painting his eyes landed on the base of Buck’s neck. It was free from paint or any blemish. But it was missing something. Steve pressed his finger right under where Bucky’s hairline began.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you remember the time we were playing out in those fields behind the school. You would always carry me on your shoulders, you said I could see how tall I’d be when I got older.”

“Yeah,” Steve could see Bucky’s smile. “We always said we’d get a trench coat so that we could pretend to be one long man.”

“But we never had the money,” Steve said softly. “Do you remember the day I wanted to do the reverse. I wanted you to see how it felt to be tall. So I made you agree to climb on my shoulders. But I was way too weak, and you were too heavy. So I wobbled and we fell and you hit the back of your head on the signpost. Then you cried and bled all over the place. And I felt so bad that I cried harder than you, then you stopped. With blood dripping from the back of your head you hugged me and told me that as bad as the fall was, you were honored to sit on my shoulders. For even a second.”

“I don’t remember that.” Bucky said, confusion in his voice. Steve looked at the spot for a long time, and let out a shaky breath.

“I didn't either, until now.” He dipped his paintbrush into the red and began painting over Buckies entire neck. When every inch was covered Steve wiped away falling tears and threw the paintbrush to the side.

“Bucky? You can sit up now.”

Bucky slowly shifted just enough to fully look at Steve. “You sure? It doesn't feel dry.” His face was nothing but confusion, and concern.

“I’m positive.” Steve bent down and locked lips with Bucky, guiding him up as he did so. Bucky held Steve’s arm and knelt up in front of him. He parted lips and looked at Steve.

“Steve. Are you okay?” He said each word separately, like his concern would hit home harder.

Steve shook his head and gave a small smile. “I’m not, I’m really not. But I will be, if you promise to be with me forever.”

“Of course I promise, till’ the end of the line, I promise.”

“Not not just there, I want it longer. No matter where or when I want to know that you still love me.”

Bucky held firmly to Steve’s upper arm. “No matter what dimension, or location, or time, Bucky Barnes will never not love Steven grant Rogers. And that's the truth, no matter how hard headed or stubborn I may be. I  _always_  love you.”

Steve smashed his lips against Bucky’s his arms going around his neck. Smearing the paint there. Bucky hesitated for a second but accepted it. He continued kissing Steve slowly lowering him down to the bed, as Steve’s hands roamed his back. Steve’s legs even found themselves on either side of Bucky’s hips.

Steve parted his lips just long enough to speak. “I want it Bucky,” Steve said out loud, a confidence in his voice.

“You want what?” Bucky lifted his head from Steve’s neck and looked at him.

“ _It_.” Steve articulated, Bucky’s eyes widened and smile spread across his face.

“Damn, never thought I...whatever! I’m going to make it amazing okay?” He had his hand at the hem of Steve’s shirt. The paint was smeared all over his hands and body.

“Don’t you always?” Steve painted, a wider smile grew across Bucky’s face and attacked his neck. Steve chanted how much he loved Bucky in his head, his eyes closed. He tried to remember as much as he could of his moment, just hoping that Bucky was right. 


	11. Chapter 11

Steve exhaled, he could feel the difference. His arms were by his side his palms turned down towards the bed. He squeezed the bed sheets, they were much softer than the sheets that he and Bucky had laid on. He sighed and opened his eyes, looking up at the ceiling. The pattern was off. He rubbed at his eyes and turned on his side.

He listened to the outside, a familiar hustle of Avengers outside woke him. If he was sleeping here that meant he was still in between missions. He rolled on his side, his eyes training on the wall in front of him. He thought back, trying to remember his other life. With Bucky, and Jackie. All the memories were still vividly there like they really had happened.

He groaned and sat up, he reasoned that had to be the most unfair thing of all. The fact that he could remember a time better than the reality he lived in. He chest clenched, his entire being wishing it wasn’t true.

There were several knocks on his door. Steve sighed he rubbed at his face, he knew he needed to leave the room and act like the Steve Rogers the world needed. There were more knocks. “Coming!” He yelled.

He moved his hand away from his face and stood up and went to the door opening it up. On the other side, Tony was leaning against the doorway his arms crossed. He looked mystified as he scanned Steve’s body.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.” Tony murmured, Steve shrugged in reply. He felt a bit bad, but he was still in mental mourning.

“I’ve just been here...”

“Well I’m happy you are here, I feel like everything been a shit show. But...you were here so...I don’t know. Anyway, Barnes is looking for you.”

“He is?” Steve frowned, it was rare that Bucky even acknowledge him unless they were around other people.

“Yeah, but indirectly. He just asked if anyone had seen you. After we said no, and he looked bummed and didn’t say anything else.”

“Oh.” Steve frowned, it didn’t sound like Bucky had any real interest in wear he has went.

“I know what it sounds like but I’ve been around men enough to know when one’s pining. And that one-armed man is pining badly. Go talk to him.” Tony reached over patted Steve’s arms and walked off.

Steve watched him leave for a few seconds, he had to work up the courage to walk again. He took a step away from his door and closed it behind him. He walked through the hallway that led to the kitchen. He realized that Tony had never given him a location.

“Hey!” He was stopped by the sound of Bruce’s voice. Steve turned back and looked at the shorter man.

“Oh hey, Bruce.” He remembered having drinks with Bruce in the other world. He couldn't remember a time he had been alone with Bruce before.

“Hey, uh I just wanted to say hey. I feel...like I haven’t seen you in awhile it’s weird. Anyway, since you’re here. Want to grab a coffee or something, we haven’t actually sat and talked since before the whole Accords thing.”

Steve blinked almost physically taking a step back. “Uh yeah, sure. Is later today okay?”

“Sounds good, I’ll catch you then.” Bruce waved a packet that he had been holding and left down the opposite way.

Steve hummed, a bit of the hurt in his chest ebbed away. He could at least count on Bruce’s relationship. He realized he could probably count on Nat’s and Sam’s friendship too. They were all close, and every day he was warming up more to Tony.

“Maybe I’ll get a dog.” He said to himself. He knew he wouldn’t go through with it, especially alone without Bucky.

“Shouldn’t talk to yourself Steve, and if you get a dog there are a billion shelters all over the city. Good luck,” Nat said as she walked by. Steve blushed and watched her go. She glanced back a few times like she was making sure that he was still there.

Unsure where to go from there, Steve took a turn and headed to the kitchen. He wasn’t surprised when he saw Bucky leaned over the counter talking to Sam. Steve felt the heat of self-consciousness. It was evident to him that Bucky probably never needed him, and might have just had a question. He slowly began walking, hugging the wall, towards the pantry.

He ducked his head when he passed the two of them. When he stood in front of the door he quietly turned the knob and slipped in, closing the door behind him. Safe in the pantry he took a deep breath and stepped in deeper. The pantry was as big as a walk-in closet and had its own tiny window above head.

Steve turned his back to the door, he leaned up on the tips of his toes and glanced outside. New York still looked the same, and it still seemed the same. But Steve felt a difference in the way he felt about the city.

The doorknob of the pantry turned. Steve froze, he fell back on his heels and stood still. A person stepped inside and closed the door behind them quietly.

“I was just trying to find some soup-” Steve turned around as he spoke and stopped dead in his tracks. Bucky stood in front of him, his hair pulled back and a serious look on his face. “Bucky?”

Bucky took too long steps forward and took Steve’s hand. He leaned up his lips inches from Steve’s. “I missed you, I have no idea why but I do. And I feel this is appropriate. Can I?”

Steve’s face was a deep red, there were no words coming from his mouth. He nodded slowly but didn’t move any closer to Bucky’s lips. Bucky smiled and leaned the rest of the way up, he kissed Steve deeply on the lips. The hurt in Steve’s chest melted away, and there was nothing but hot burning heat left behind. When Bucky’s lips moved away, Steve’s face was frozen with emotion.

“Did you know you have the most beautiful eyes, and when I asked to kiss you they shone?”

Steve blinked several times, Bucky had actually complimented him. “U-Um they’re okay.” Bucky leaned in and kissed the side of Steve’s head, his hand coming up the side and touching his face.

“They’re beautiful, and you’re beautiful. And I can’t keep separating myself from you.”

“Why did you?” The words slipped out faster than Steve had to think them.

“Multitude of reasons, guilt, I’m fucked up, shit like that. But I can’t you’re...everything. Awful sorry if that sounds creepy, but you’re like the sun to me. I’ve missed you.” Bucky admitted he was blushing a bit himself, but for once he was smiling too.

“I...we can have a long conversation about how I think you’re perfect later when we’re not in the pantry.”

“I like the pantry, cozy.” Bucky stole another quick kiss setting Steve’s face aflame. “And you’re cozy and cute. You can expect to be receiving compliments regularly now.” Bucky smiled, it was like he was in a dream of his own.

“Hmm...” Steve felt intoxicated there was something especially real about this moment. He thought it vision, wondering if he was in control of this. If this was another simulation. He felt a strong pull towards Vision suddenly, an even stronger feeling said that Vision as safe in his room.

“Well I have one more question,” Bucky asked he looked down towards Steve’s hands. “All those times we did stuff, back then and hopefully now again...we never dated right?”

Steve shook his head, “We barely spoke to each other.”

“Well...do you want to? Not just speak to each other, but date. I’ve read a ton of articles that’s okay now. Being queer like us.”

“Yes.” Steve nodded, he couldn’t think of anything else important. He could barely remember his name. He stepped towards Bucky kissed his cheek, nearly smashing his face into Bucky’s. Bucky let out a laugh and turned Steve’s head so he could kiss him better.

“Phew, I was afraid.”

“That I’d say no?”

“That you’d hit me for waiting so long to ask.”

“I just might...remind me to do that tomorrow.” He smiled, he was too happy to be pissed at Bucky.

Bucky pressed a long kiss on Steve’s lips. “Deal, boyfriend.”

“Thank you...Bucky...I mean boyfriend.”

Bucky laughed again and ruffled Steve’s hair. “I’m never letting you go again, Stevie. We might just have to live here in the pantry.”

“At least we have food.” Steve looked at the cans.

“And each other,” Bucky added.

“That’s all we need.”

“Yes, it is, and maybe this too.” Bucky leaned up and closed his eyes pressing a prolonged kiss on Steve’s lip. Steve felt his lips smile, he closed his eyes and deepen the kiss. He let his body relax, and melt into the possible future they had. 


End file.
